' Cinema Romantico: An Open Letter To Kate Winslet

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

An Open Letter To Kate Winslet

Dear Kate Winslet,

I am not here to speculate on what drove you and that dude whose ass you carried in "Revolutionary Road" to go your separate ways. I am certain this is a difficult time and you deserve your privacy.

But whenever you feel up to strength and are eager to work again may I offer a suggestion? There's this totally fantastic novel by a guy named Nick Hornby called "How to Be Good". You should read it (if you haven't). Once you've read it you should buy the rights. Once you buy the rights you should announce your intentions to star in it and produce it. And once you've announced those intentions you should hire me to write the adaptation!

Trust me on this, Kate. No one knows this book better than me and not only does no one know this book better than me but I'll work for free! That's right! Absolutely free! You won't have to pay me a cent! I'll do it all for the love of art! I'll take care of the writing while you handle all the business aspects and the casting! I trust you! I won't even make any suggestions! (Well, except for this: Rhys Ifans or David Thewlis for Goodnews.)

I love this book and no one - that's NO ONE - other than you has any business whatsoever playing the lead.

Again, no rush. Take your time. But please consider this suggestion. I think we'd make a fabulous, platonic team.

Sincerely,
Nicholas Prigge

(P.S. If this idea does not fly I have, at the very least, 222 more, including a 5 hour film about Benedict Arnold in which you could play Peggy Shippen, a film based on the Megan Abbot novel "Die A Little" in which you would play Lora King, a film about famed sled dog racer Susan Butcher which for 115 minutes of its 120 minute running time would feature only her and her sled dogs, and buying the rights to "From Here To Eternity" simply to ensure Jessica Simpson can never star in a remake.)

5 comments:

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Ha ha ha. Obsessed much?

Nicholas Prigge said...

Considering that with the help of webmd I've diagnosed myself with OCD I'd say, yes, I do obsess. But I never use my obsessions for evil!

Rory Larry said...

"No one knows this book better than me" um...except presumably, Nick Hornby, I assume he would know the book better than you.

My Other Brother Daryl said...

Actually Rory, an obsessed fan almost always knows the material better than the writer. There was a point in my life when I could basically build a warp drive engine, yet the writers were constantly screwing up the science or forgetting elements from backstory. The more important question we should be asking is, "Kate Winslet reads this blog?" How has this never come up when we're hanging out? Has she been taking your career advise? Why are you still living in my basement? Did you sign the worst management contract in history?

Nicholas Prigge said...

That's a very valid point, Rory. Thus, I will choose to ignore it.