' Cinema Romantico: Cornhuskers For Film

Friday, December 03, 2010

Cornhuskers For Film

A lot of movies start in a place where the main character(s) suffer a great defeat or a significant setback of some kind and then the rest of the movie is the journey taken by the character(s) to return to that very place where the movie started to right the wrong.  Full Circle.  When every Nebraska Football fan awoke a year ago Sunday morning December 6, 2009 after our beloved Cornhuskers' soul-crushing loss to our never-ending nemesis, Texas, in the Big 12 Championship Game, when a railing at Cowboy Stadium turned into the most depressing deus ex machina of all time, little did we know it was merely the 1st Act.  Nebraska's sudden jump to the Big 10 Conference over the off season was the twist to open the 2nd Act and the recent meltdown of staggering proportions at Texas A&M but two weeks ago was the conclusion of the 2nd Act when all hope seemed lost.  But now it is the 3rd Act where the main characters have returned to the scene of the crime, the Big 12 Championship Game Version 2010, to right the wrong.  Full Circle.  So the question beckons.....how will this movie end?

Will the bomb technician who failed to defuse the bomb finish the job this time?  Will the guy who couldn't keep hold of the girl and let her fall from the tower of the Golden Gate Bridge pull her back up this time?  Well, this is the third time I've used this blog to compare a few of my favorite Nebraska players to the movie characters they most represent in honor of a forthcoming Big 12 Championship Game.  The first two times Nebraska lost.  You know what they say about the third time, right? 
    
Dejon Gomes (DB) - "Red" Redding, "The Shawshank Redemption": Much like Red was the guy who could get you anything, Gomes, my current Favorite Nebraska Player Ever, can pretty much get the Cornhusker coaching staff anything they want. "Hey, Dejon, we know you're completely undersized for the position but since 27 of our 28 linebackers are out with injury could you, maybe, play a little linebacker for us and take on guys, over and over, that are twice your size?" "Sure. Whatever you need." "Hey, Dejon, this other team is playing a five wide receiver set could you, perhaps, cover their slot guy one on one even though he's way taller and a little bit faster." "Yeah, yeah, yeah.  No worries." "Hey, Dejon, if the other team's running back runs right up the middle and past everyone and is clearly about to score a touchdown could you, like, come flying in from nowhere to 1.) Rip the ball out of the running back's arm at the half yard line and 2.) Recover the fumble you just caused in the end zone?" "Okay. I mean, sure, if that's what you need. I got it." "Hey, Dejon, could you, possibly, intercept a pass against our most bitter rival at the exact same instant ABC is interviewing our most bitter rival's athletic director?" "Oh, of course. I was specifically waiting to intercept a pass while ABC was interviewing Colorado's athletic director." 

All of which is to say, happy trails, Dejon. It has been an honor and pleasure watching you play, man.

Cam Newton will win the Heisman Trophy but I wouldn't trade 100,000 to 180,000 Cam Newtons for one Dejon Gomes.
Roy Helu Jr. (RB) - Aragorn, King Of Gondor, "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King":  Strider, future King, is played by the proudly eccentric Viggo Mortensen with a flowing mane of hair.  Roy Helu Jr., who doesn't run so much as he strides, his flowing mane of hair tucked beneath his helmet, is an eccentric often described by Nebraska beat writers thusly: "Roy is Roy."  And much like Tolkien geeks sat around for eons discussing who might one day play the role of Aragorn, Cornhusker geeks sat around for eons wondering who would be the first in the program's storied history of running backs to eclipse the 300 yard mark in a game.  Roy The Magnificent was worthy.  Long live the Nebraska Single Game Rushing Record holder.

Mr. 307.
Rex Burkhead (RB) - Ralph Hampton Gainesworth Jones, "King Ralph":  If Roy Helu Jr. is your matinee idol King, then Rex Burkhead is your King Ralph.  He is shorter, paunchier, and complete with a receding hairline.  Roy is straight outta Cali, Rex is a Texan.  Roy glides and swerves, Rex lopes and crashes.   Roy's highlights go whoosh, Rex's highlights go eeeee....aaaacccckkkk......waaaaaiiiiitttt.....yeeeaaahhh!!!  And while I always like to envision Roy chilling post-game to a little R√∂yksopp, I like to envision Rex post-game drinking a little Pabst and pounding out "Good Golly Miss Molly" on the keys.


Niles Paul (WR) - Aldous Snow, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall": "F---, you're cool. It's so hard to say because, like, I hate you in so many ways." So said Jason Segel to Russell Brand's rock god and that is often how I feel in relation to Niles Paul who is, officially, the single most frustrating player ever to don a Cornhusker uniform. One minute he's returning a kick 100 yards for a touchdown, the next he's taking a kick out of the end zone when he absolutely should not be and fumbling. I have no doubt he is an upstanding, good-hearted citizen but on the football field.....well, I'm glad he's a senior because, honestly, I can't take it anymore.

The 1,137th fumble of Niles Paul's career.
Prince Amukamara (CB) - Tom Kazanski, "Top Gun": You want to know who the best cornerback is? That's him. Amukamara. Iceman. Because that's how he covers man. Ice-cold. No mistakes. He wears you down. You get bored, do something stupid, and he's got you.


Eric Hagg (DB) - Superman, "Superman":  Superman often flew in to save the day.  Hagg literally flew into the save day against the Cyclones of Iowa State.  Could he change the rotation of the earth if he needed to?  Who's to say, but I wouldn't bet against him.

It's a bird...it's a plane...it's Eric Hagg!
Lavonte David (LB) - Nightcrawler, "X Men 2":  You know what?  I can't really even describe why this is so.  Honestly, you've just gotta see him play.

Did Lavonte David teleport in from the other side of the field to make this tackle?
Taylor Martinez (QB) - Eric Stoner "The Cincinnati Kid":  Our over-nicknamed (T-Magic, T-Mart, T-Mobile, T-Mesmervescent, T-Manua Kea, T-Mahi Mahi, T-Mac&Cheese, T-Montessori) star field general, hailing from a California city that shares a name with an adult beverage, is disbelievingly nonchalant, anti-social, often shunning interviews, extremely aloof, someone who ex-Nebraska LB Phillip Dillard termed "arrogant", and, with the ball in his hands and un-injured, which he currently isn't, capable of plays so spectacular they'll make your head spin.  In other words, he is entirely worthy of a Steve McQueen character.  Forget T-Magic.  I propose The Corona Kid.

   
Cody Green (Backup QB) - The Shoveler, "Mystery Men":  "There's no use waiting for the calvary because as of this moment the calvary is me.  I'm not your classic quarterback.  I'm not the favorite.  I'm the other guy.  I'm the guy nobody bets on.  I'm in over my head, and we all know it.  But if I take on this fight and survive it I'll forever after show my scars with pride and say, 'That's right.  I was there.  In the Big 12 Championship Game.  I fought the good fight."  If you get the start, Cody, believe me, Husker Nation will be behind you 5 million percent.

Tomorrow night Cody's got a date with destiny, and I think she just ordered the lobster.
 Alex Henery (K) - Denton Van Zan, "Reign Of Fire": Wait, wait, wait, why is Nebraska's place-kicker, currently owner of the record for NCAA career field goal percentage, being compared to a (ahem) Matthew McConaughey character in a tepidly received film in which he goes around in 2020 killing dragons? Why? WHY?! I'll tell you why. Because Alex Henery, if he wanted to, could kill a freaking dragon, that's why.

You wouldn't know to look at him but this guy could slay a dragon.

1 comment:

Nicholas Prigge said...

Following Up The Morning After: It would appear this gridiron movie turned out to be "12 Monkeys" - that is, it ended the exact same way it began. Horribly and depressingly.