' Cinema Romantico: Countdown To Armageddon (Resumes)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Countdown To Armageddon (Resumes)

For the last several years, Cinema Romantico's official S--- List has looked like this:

1.) Michael Bay.
2.) Hilary Duff.

Michael Bay, of course, earns the top slot for merely being Michael Bay and Hilary Duff had earned the #2 spot for choosing to star as Bonnie Parker in Tonya S. Holly's ill-inspired remake of the landmark 1967 classic "Bonnie and Clyde", which this blog humbly believes to be one of The Five Greatest Movies Ever Made. Rumors have had that remake stopping and starting and Hilary Duff dropping out and getting fired and this, that, and the other but, as far as I can tell, at least for right now, it's still on. Which would be bad enough. Except......

Maybe in this version they can get Miley Cyrus to "re-imagine" the role of Bonnie Parker?
Enter Neil Burger, the new #3 on Cinema Romantico's official S--- List. Why? Dude has decided to enter his own horse in the "Bonnie and Clyde" Remake Stakes. It's not really even technically a remake but to take a crack at the same story still means you're messing with this movie and, well, let me make this very clear and do so in capital letters for extreme, over-the-top emphasis:

WOULD YOU GIVE IT AN EFFING REST?! WOULD YOU LEAVE THIS MOVIE ALONE! PLEASE! HAVE YOU NO HONOR?! HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR THE CINEMATIC INSTITUTION, YOU CHARLATANS, YOU GRAVE ROBBERS! GO FIND YOUR OWN MOVIES!!!!!!

And rather than point out that we have drawn yet another step closer to the inevitable "From Here To Eternity" remake with Jessica Simpson, I instead ask us all to remember happier times:

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