Cracking The Sienna Miller New Year's Eve Mystery

The Garry Marshall-produced rom com New Year's Eve with an ensemble cast so large it could triple the population of Atlanta, Georgia is currently pulling down a cool 7% at Rotten Tomatoes. Good grief. But I'm not here today to discuss the apparent awfulness of this movie. I'm here to discuss the so-called Sienna Miller Mystery (so-called because that's what I'm calling it).

Early last year reports were popping up that my ex-Cinematic Crush had been added to the cast of New Year's Eve but there was really no word on who she'd be playing or what she'd be doing. Perhaps, I dreamed, she would be playing the instructor of an ultra-inclusive December 31 scotch tasting at a posh bar near Times Square. Who was to say?! But when the first previews for the film appeared she was nowhere to be found. Hmmmmmmmmm.

When my esteemed colleague Andy Buckle announced via Facebook that he was attending a screening for "New Year's Eve" I pleaded with him to report back as to whether or not she appeared. He relayed that her name was in the credits but she herself was nowhere to be found. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Most news outlets reporting on the film's release still included her name - like this one at Collider.com which was posted on December 5th. But the IMDB profile for "New Year's Eve" does not - I repeat, does not - list Ms. Miller's name. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Then I came across an article from The New York Post - which is, granted, "the worst piece of paper on the east coast", according to Chuck D - who indicated "that Miller did have discussions with Marshall, but that because of schedule issues, the part she was being considered for -- a pregnant woman -- went instead to Sarah Paulson." No one else seems to have corroborated this story but what else is one to assume when people aren't seeing her in the actual film and it isn't listed as one of her acting credits?

And so Cinema Romantico's theory emerges. Remember the December years ago when you met a comely young lass, the friend of a friend, and you really, really dug her and you knew she was invited to your friend's New Year's Eve party and so you waited all that night - trying not to get too inebriated - for her to show up so you could talk to her some more and maybe, just maybe, when magical midnight rolled around she'd be looking for a guy with whom she could share an innocent kiss and maybe, just maybe, the party would transform into a sing-along dance party and she'd know all the words to "Glory Days" too and this would be one New Year that would start off with a harvest of hope and a pasture of promise?

And then she never showed up?

Sienna Miller is that girl in "New Year's Eve." And, of course, if New Year's Eve's had their own Rotten Tomatoes scores, that particular New Year's Eve probably would have received, say, a 7%.