' Cinema Romantico: Summer Movie Q & A

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Summer Movie Q & A

It’s that time of year again! I recently “sat down” with Hollywood e-zine Film de Cinema (founder: Jiff Ramsey) for a Q & A regarding the upcoming summer movie season. As always, the following is the full “transcript”:

You know how excited people were for "The Dark Knight Rises" last summer? That's how excited Cinema Romantico is for "Before Midnight."
Film de Cinema: “Before Midnight”, the highly anticipated sequel to “Before Sunset”, expects to give us wistful closure regarding the greatest silver screen couple since Steve & Slim. Nearly every review has been a rave. For example-
Cinema Romantico: Earmuffs! EARMUFFS!!!
FdC: But don’t you just want to know-
CR: Don’t tell me a thing! Do you hear me?! NOT A THING! IF YOU RUIN EVEN THE MOST MINISCULE PLOT DEVELOPMENT, SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT!
FdC: But the trailer has been out there for a month!
CR: And do you know what it’s like living in fear of a trailer? Going to movies and having to sit in the seat next to the aisle – even if the theater is basically empty – so you can leap to your feet and dash to the lobby on the off chance the trailer might appear?
FdC: Okay, okay. Sorry. Yeesh. Talk about getting off on the wrong foot.
CR: My apologies. But this is Jesse and Celine. The rules are different.
FdC: Aside from “Before Midnight”, what film are you most anticipating this summer?

(Pause.)

FdC: Wait. What are you doing?
CR: What does it look like I’m doing?
FdC: It looks like you’re striking an attractively gloomy pose while listening to My Bloody Valentine.
CR: Precisely! So…….
FdC: So you must be mentally preparing for “The Bling Ring”! The new movie from one of your favorite directors, Sofia Coppola!




CR: Some people may be excited this summer for the theft escapades of “The Fast and the Furious 18: Furiouser & Furiouser” (filming of the 20th installment to begin this summer in the middle of the filming of the 19th installment) but I’m most excited for the theft escapades of “The Bling Ring.”
FdC: Do you think Vin Diesel would ever star in a Sofia film?
CR: She would make him sooooooooo fetch.
FdC: Will Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer as Tonto and “The Lone Ranger” be the movie duo of the summer?
CR: Actually the movie duo of the summer will be writer/director Noah Baumbach and his muse Greta Gerwig in “Frances Ha.”

The Summer Movie Duo of 2013
FdC: Wait, wait, wait. We’re discussing the summer movie season and so far all we’ve talked about is Linklater, Coppola and Baumbach. Where am I? Tribeca? What the hell is going on?
CR: I know! Isn’t it grand?! I’ve never looked forward to a summer movie season so much in my life!!!
FdC: But I feel like this is just a snobbish version of a summer movie Q&A. I feel like we’re losing the target audience. I mean, what’s next? You tell me there’s a movie starring...oh, I don't know, say, Julianne Moore as an English teacher coming out this summer?
CR: There is!!!!!!
FdC: Oh for the love of……let’s discuss the new Joss Whedon movie.
CR: You mean his quirky adaptation of Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing” that he filmed in black & white in his own house?!
FdC: (frantically flipping through notes) Okay……then let’s discuss “Man of Steel” with Michael Shannon as Zod.
CR: Or let’s discuss “Hitman” with Michael Shannon as real life contract killer Richard Kuklinksi!!!

Step aside, General Zod.
FdC: GAH!!! You at least want to see "Iron Man 3", don't you?
CR: Well, sure. But I'd rather see "Tony Stark."
FdC: As in, a movie all about Tony Stark?
CR: Exactly. We never see him in the Iron Man suit and it's just Tony and Pepper exchanging witty repartee "Big Sleep"-style all across L.A.
FdC: You understand, don't you, why you never became a Hollywood exec?
CR: (Sighs sadly.)
FdC: I’m contractually obligated to mention “The Hangover 3.”
CR: Wouldn't it be incredible if that trailer was totally a fake and the movie turned out to be the four of them just sitting around talking, drinking, eating pizza and watching "Caroline in the City" re-runs?
FdC: And "Star Trek: Into Darkness."
CR: Why are they so desperate to turn that into an action movie?
FdC: Why are you so convinced they are trying to that into an action movie?
CR: Tell me they're not trying to turn Spock into Liam Neeson! Tell.Me. I mean, really!



FdC: And "World War Z."
CR: It's funny, I had no idea what this was about and then I saw the trailer and realized I'd just seen the whole thing.
FdC: And “The Wolverine.”
CR: Why do I feel like every six months Hugh Jackman is onscreen as Wolverine?
FdC: And "Grown Ups 2."
CR: The The Fourth Circle Of Hell.
FdC: And “The Internship.”
CR: Can we PLEASE stop under-utilizing Rose Byrne?! I mean, REALLY!
FdC: And “The Great Gatsby.”
CR: Now you're talking, old sport.

Who else can't wait to hear Leo say "old sport" 225 times?
FdC: Well, obviously. (Throws up hands.) Honestly, this is the worst Summer Movie Preview on the Internet. The whole Internet. Who's going to want to read this thing? Everyone else is discussing Will and Jaden Smith in “After Earth”-
CR: Is that a sequel to Brit Marling's "Another Earth"?
FdC: -and we’re discussing-
CR: Sarah Polley's documentary about her family?
FdC: Come on, man, give me SOMETHING.
CR: Well, while I like to think I’m the sort who reads “Gatsby” and drinks martinis, I really do find Craig Robinson drinking his own urine out of the martini glass in the “This Is The End” trailer funny.
FdC: Okay. That’s better.
CR: And I really want to see “Now You See Me.” That’s my sort of summer movie – potentially interesting but still escapist.
FdC: Keep going.
CR: And “White House Down.” I can’t wait to see “White House Down.”
FdC: “White House Down”? THAT’S the one summer tentpole movie you want to see?
CR: I might even buy popcorn for it.
FdC: But it’s going to be awful.
CR: It better be. If that movie is any way intelligent, realistic or ‘good’, I’ll ask for my money back.
FdC: For the love of..... Well…at least we got through this whole thing without a Lady Gaga reference.
CR: “Machete Kills”! “Machete Kills” opens September 13th!!!

Lady Gaga stars in "Machete Kills", opening September 13th

3 comments:

Rory Larry said...

Dante's fourth circle of hell is dedicated to the sin of greed. I can't tell if you are suggesting that mr sandler et al are capitalizing on a sequel and are those guilty of greed or if you are hypothesizing a new 9 circles of cinematic hell in which the 4th circle is adam sandler movies. Either way, I approve.

Lexi said...

Francis Ha looks amazing!!

Nick Prigge said...

Rory: I had intended the first but......the second idea is brilliant! That's an entire post! The 9 Circles Of Cinematic Hell! Putting on my thinking cap...

Lexi: Doesn't it, though?