Picturing Actors Doing Things

“Step Brothers” (2008) did not overwhelm nor underwhelm me; I was just kind of whelmed. Even so, a lot of people seem to love it, as evinced by The Ringer’s recent Oral History of it, gathering most everyone to discuss its making, from leads Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly to the Queen Steen herself. And even if I was not particularly passionate about the movie itself, I still found this inside look enjoyable, particularly director Adam McKay more or less boiling the movie’s conception down to this astonishing remembrance: “I do remember saying to Will and John, ‘I just picture you guys in bunk beds.’ And I was like, ‘Is there a way to have that?’” STOP THE TAPE!

Is there any way to have that? Movies, I dare say, have been made for far less than “Is there a way to have that?” If anything, movies should be based less on formulating accurate cinematic alignments through core competencies and functionalities and more through people on filmmakers on barstools wondering aloud if there is any way to have some such thing. In that spirit...

Is there any way to have...Jeff Bridges with a hot dog gun?

Is there any way to have...Sam Elliott at a Putt-Putt?

Is there any way to have...Christine Baranski doing yoga in a neck brace?

Is there any way to have...Kevin Corrigan explaining the Townshend Acts?

Is there any way to have...Peter Stormare giving air traffic instructions?

Is there any way to have...Matt Malloy as a soda jerk?

Is there any way to have...Michael Shannon in an IKEA?

Is there any way to have...Parker Posey drinking a hipster cocktail out of a vintage Edison Light Bulb?

Is there any way to have...Tiffany Haddish just, like, hanging out in the middle of a renaissance fair?

Is there any way to have...Keira Knightley reading a book in the fire escape of the Libreria Alta Acqua?

Is there any way to have...George Clooney pacing in front of the Jet d’Eau and arguing on a cellphone?

Is there any way to have...Angelina Jolie breaking into a submarine while it’s submerged?

Is there any way to have...Nicole Kidman as a mermaid? (And I’m not talking about “Splash”, man, I’m talking about some real arty song of the siren stuff here.)

Is there any way to have...Colin Firth & Jesse Eisenberg in a city where they’ve never been trying to decide where to go for dinner?

Is there any way to have...Ashley Judd & Mira Sorvino on a movie poster in patterned jumpsuits standing back-to-back with their arms crossed?

Is there any way to have...Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem wearing designer sunglasses and jaunty hats drinking red wine & lemon Fanta in an outdoor plaza since every fifth movie each of them make should feature them together wearing designer sunglasses and jaunty hats drinking red wine & lemon Fanta in an outdoor plaza.