My "Conversation" With Sienna Miller

So, it turns out my friend Ashley, who you might remember as my fellow Kylie pilgrimager, knows a guy who knows a girl who is working on the production of the cinematic adaptation of Elmore Leonard's crime novel "Freaky Deaky", set to star my official Cinematic Crush Sienna Miller, a production taking place as we speak in, ahem, Detroit, a cool 283 miles from Chicago - a mere Megabus ride away.

Clearly, this is the only chance I will ever have to re-enact one of my all-time favorite movie scenes, a scene from, ahem, an Elmore Leonard adapted movie, making like George Clooney in "Out of Sight" tracking down JLo for a drink at that fancy-schmancy hotel bar overlooking the snow-infused sorta bright lights of The Motor City.

I'll search every bar in Detroit and eventually find Sienna Miller sitting beside a rain-pelted window, alone, cooly smoking a cigarette, sipping at a whiskey, and I'll stroll up in my custom made Zeglio suit, and say, "Can I buy you a drink?" At this point one of two things will occur.

1.) Sienna will mace my eyes and run away, at which point I will vow never to wash my eyes again.

...or...

2.) Sienna and I will have this conversation.

Sienna: "So long as you don't mind if I smoke."
Nick: "Mind? I encourage it."
Sienna: "You want one?" (Offers a cigarette.)
Nick: "No, no, no, I don't smoke."
Sienna: "But you're encouraging me to smoke? That doesn't make any bloody sense."
Nick: "I'm an enigma."
Sienna: "Yeah. I don't think so."

Nick: "Are you even allowed to smoke in here?"
Sienna: "They asked me to stop."
Nick: "What did you do?"
Sienna: "Blew smoke in their face."
Nick: "Sigh..."
Sienna: "Did you just say 'sigh' out loud?"
Nick: "Yes?"
Sienna: "You're having a cigarette or we don't have a drink."
Nick: "Okay, okay, okay!"

-He sits down, she hands him a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag. Hacking coughs ensue.

Sienna: "Whiskey?" (Offering her glass.)
Nick: "What is it?"
Sienna: "Stagg. 141 Proof."
Nick: "Are you serious?"
Sienna: "This is my second."
Nick: "How is that even possible?!"
Sienna: "You're a bit daft, aren't you?"
Nick: "I was thinking something more along the line of......lower proof."
Sienna: "Weak toleranced Americans. You're all the same."
Nick: "No, no, no!!! We're not!!! I swear!!! I can handle it!!!"

-She slides the glass across the table to him. He takes a drink. Hacking coughs ensue. She grins.

Sienna: "This is going to be the night of your life."

-Nick passes out.