Report: Nicole Kidman May Have Won Oscar In Parallel Universe

It was recently announced that Nicole Kidman’s “Grace of Monaco”, which debuted at Cannes last year to an international roar of rejection and laughter and promptly fell off the release radar, will make its debut on Lifetime. Essentially this is a straight-to-DVD release except worse because usually no one even notices straight-to-DVD movies aside from when they are browsing Blockbuster shelves which, of course, can’t happen because there are no more Blockbuster shelves.

It’s a harsh hand dealt to her eminence, Ms. Kidman, and yet…..noted Entertainment physicist Peterson M. Gerund has long contended that Television and Cinema are, in fact, parallel universes and that a choice made in one universe might very well yield a different outcomes in the other universe. “In this universe,” Mr. Gerund explained when we reached him by phone at his home in Pasadena, “the outcome is airing it on Lifetime. But in the parallel universe of Cinema it’s entirely possible that ‘Grace of Monaco’ was a rip-roaring success and Ms. Kidman won an Oscar.”

So there you have it. In a parallel universe Nicole Kidman probably won an Oscar for “Grace of Monaco”. We salute her.

Nicole Kidman, two-time Oscar winner when counting parallel universes.