' Cinema Romantico: The Reviews Are In!!!

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Reviews Are In!!!

The only way you could get me to see "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" would be if you set me up with Sienna Miller on a scotch-sampling date at Duke of Perth or swore to me on pain of death that Bruce Springsteen would stop crushing my poor soul at every single turn. Otherwise, forget it. I ain't going. To paraphrase Aldous Snow: Take my eyes but don't take me to this movie.

That said, I have no intention of leaving you, my loyalest of readers, in the dark about Michael Bay's latest cinematic venture and whether or not you should set sail into the brutal summer heat to see it. Thus, we will turn to our nation's finest critics to get their takes. This is what some of them had to say:

"'He's here - I smell him.' That's a line from 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,' but funnily enough, it's also what I think every time I sit down to watch a Michael Bay movie." - Stephanie Zacharek, Salon

"'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun Times

"Director Michael Bay's film - which has two settings, 'puree' and 'liquify' - is like that scene in 'Raging Bull,' when Joe Pesci slams a car door against the guy's head, over and over. Bay's sequel is the car door; the audience is the guy." - Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

"John Yoo would not be able to draft a memo excusing the torment this movie inflicts on its audience, yet tens of millions of us will line up to shovel money at it this weekend. God bless America." - Dana Stevens, Slate

"And make no mistake: Mr. Bay is an auteur. His signature adorns every image in his movies, as conspicuously as that of Lars von Trier, and every single one is inscribed with a specific worldview and moral sensibility. Mr. Bay’s subject — overwhelming violent conquest — is as blatant and consistent as his cluttered mise-en-scène. His images, particularly during the frequent action sequences, can be difficult to visually track, but they are also consistently disjointed. (And proudly self-referential: the only director he overtly cites is himself, with a shot of the poster for his movie “Bad Boys II.”) The French filmmaker Jacques Rivette once described an auteur as someone who speaks in the first person. Mr. Bay prefers to shout." - Manohla Dargis, New York Times

1 comment:

drickard said...

If you haven't already, you should also read io9's review: http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie?skyline=true&s=x.