' ' Cinema Romantico: Random Cinematic Awards 2009

Friday, January 15, 2010

Random Cinematic Awards 2009

As always, these are intended to tide you over until the more grandiose proclamations next week. Enjoy!

Best Line Of The Year: "Redemption, sure, but in the end he's just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a Chinese Restaurant." - George Clooney, "Fantastic Mr. Fox"

Best Line Of The Year Runner Up: "I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now." - Anna Kendrick, "Up in the Air"

Best Line Of The Year Third Place: "Look at the parking lot, Larry." - Simon Helberg, "A Serious Man"

Best Opening Credit Sequence Of The Year: "Duplicity." You have to see it to believe it. (Sub-Award: Best Facial Expression Of The Year was Paul Giamatti's as Tom Wilkinson tackled him to the ground in this very sequence.)

Best Use Of Pop Music In A Movie Of The Year: "Blue Sky Blues" by Ryan Adams in "The Merry Gentleman".

Best Closing Credits Song Of The Year: "Smoke Without Fire" by Duffy in "An Education".

Movie Poster Of The Year: In a landslide.

Best Performance Of The Year Featured In A Middling Movie: David Koechner as the neighbor from the vast reaches of hell in "Extract".

Worst Movie Of The Year: "Observe and Report". I get the sense director Jody Hill WANTS to make movies (I also watched his equally awful debut "The Foot Fist Way" this year on DVD) that are repugnant and make you feel grossly ill and, if so, well done, chap. You've succeeded. But that doesn't mean I can't actively despise them with every fiber of being.

The Annual Michael Mann Biopic Award (Given To The Most Disappointing Movie Of The Year): "Public Enemies", the latest Michael Mann biopic.

The Annual "War Of The Worlds" News Reporter Award (Given To The Most Exposition Laden Movie Sequence Of The Year): The first 20 minutes of "Whiteout". It is the highest of comedy, though I'm not sure the filmmakers realized it.

The Annual "Boogie Nights" Tracking Shot Award (Given To The Best Movie Shot Of The Year): The shot of Michael Keaton on the park bench at the beginning of "The Merry Gentleman". It's as simple as making macaroni cheese outta the box but it tastes as good as the macaroni and cheese you'd get at Les Halles.

Movie Critic Quote Of The Year: "Let's see if you too can be a Hollywood writer. What will happen when this duo -- one who's infertile and one who's unfaithful -- are thrown together again one starry night? Should there be a scene in which someone runs away from a bear? Attempts to chop wood? Dances in a cowboy hat? Will those fussy Gothamites bitch about how it's too 'quiet' to sleep and the air is 'too clean'? Will a vegetarian be served a plate of sausages? When someone mentions that it's a good thing the Morgans will be in town for the rodeo, will there be a scene involving an assassin, a bull and clowns? Congratulations, here's $50 million. Go fuck something up." - Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon on "Did You Hear About The Morgans?"

Movie Critic Quote Of The Year Runner Up: "Anyone, man or woman, who doesn't want to linger on Ingrid Bergman's lips is telling us something about themselves we'd rather not know." - Roger Ebert

4 comments:

embeedub said...

Ha! I'm honored.

Nicholas Prigge said...

Wow. Thank you so much for dropping by my humble little blog. I'm even more honored.

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Lovely to see someone giving Duplicity a shout-out. Sadly, I did NOT like Up in the Air, and yeah Duffy was golden in An Education.

Danny King said...

I'm sorry to say that I'm not among the people who enjoyed Duplicity, but I will say that the opening credits sequence is downright hilarious.