' Cinema Romantico: The Cinema Romantico Fall/Winter Movie Power Rankings

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Cinema Romantico Fall/Winter Movie Power Rankings

This is normally the time in the season when Cinema Romantico sits down for a discussion with movie e-zine Film de Cinema (founder: Jiff Ramsey). Unfortunately the discussion has been cancelled this year on account of Cinema Romantico losing its hearing somewhere around the second hour of “Man of Steel.” Our utmost apologies, but we simply could not hear the questions being posed by Film de Cinema which led to all sorts of complications.

Instead we have taken the time to compile a "helpful" list of 10 upcoming movies. These are not the 10 most anticipated movies of fall and winter but the 10 movies we here at Cinema Romantico are most anticipating. We have included a few reasons why as well as a prediction regarding what may happen upon seeing them.

The Cinema Romantico Fall/Winter Movie Power Rankings

10. Machete Kills

Why I'm Excited To See It: Lady Gaga.

Prediction: Lady Gaga is only in it for 30 seconds which prompts me to curse the movie gods who promptly reply “You predicted she was only going to be in it for 30 seconds, you moron, don’t blame us.” 

9. Romeo & Juliet

Why I'm Excited To See It: Because Sofia Coppola filmed it in black & white in her own house. Wait, what? Sofia Coppola DIDN’T film it in black & white in her own house? Sofia Coppola isn’t even INVOLVED in it? Never mind!

9. The Monuments Men

Why I’m Excited To See It: George Clooney & friends protect monuments from Nazis. Which I imagine was the entire pitch meeting. George Clooney: "So I've got this idea where me and Damon and Murray and Blanchett and Dujardin protect monuments from Nazis." Studio Mogul: "Jonathan, bring me my green light!"

Prediction: We see a shot of The Eiffel Tower within the first six-and-a-half minutes.

8. All Is Lost

Why I’m Excited To See It: Robert Redford braves the elements alone in a boat.

Prediction: Most of the time Robert Redford’s hair still looks like he just stepped out of a Beverly Hills salon.

7. The Counselor

Why I'm Excited To See It: Cormac McCarthy wrote a screenplay. Also, Javier Bardem & Cameron Diaz: Power Couple for the Twenty-Tens.

Prediction: it is to "No Country For Old Men" as "Get Shorty" is to "Jackie Brown".

6. Grace Of Monaco

Why I’m Excited To See It: It’s funny, isn’t it? I whine and moan and stomp my feet about I’ve had it up to HERE with biopics and I’m boycotting biopics and this and that and what-have-you and then…….along comes Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly in a biopic and magically I’m all like “Biopics are the best!”

Prediction: Nicole Kidman wins Best Actress which leads to all sorts of Kidman backlash on account of her, uh, cosmetic work which leads to all sorts of Cinema Romantico articles with titles like “Why Nicole Kidman Can Still Act Everyone’s Ass Off Even If Her Forehead Doesn’t Move” which leads to Kidman haters stealing my lunch money which leads to me popping the air in the tires of the Kidman haters’ cars which leads to Kidman haters egging my house which leads to me smashing the mailboxes of the Kidman haters, etc. 

5. Captain Phillips

Why I’m Excited To See It: it's Paul Greengrass, master of the real-life, real-time thriller with emotional heft, recounting a real-life, real-time thriller with emotional heft.

Prediction: the real Captain Phillips leaves the premiere and says “It was really good but, man, that camerawork made me more seasick than the Indian Ocean.”


4. American Hustle 

Why I'm Excited To See It: they are not simply Getting The ("Silver Linings Playbook") Band Back Together, they are Getting The Band Back Together and adding several new kick-ass members.

Prediction: Dy-no-mite.


3. Gravity 

Why I'm Excited To See It: Have you seen the trailer? I mean, really!

Prediction: 95% of the film's reviews include the word "expectations".

2. Labor Day

Why I’m Excited To See It: Because I've long felt Josh Brolin should be a star's star and now he goes toe-to-toe, mano-a-womano with Kate the Great. You wanna be the best you gotta act with the best, right? Show us what you got, Brolin.

Prediction: oh, I don’t know, only ART and HUMANITY at its APEX.

1. Blood Ties

Why I'm Excited To See It: Because the trailer gets my rocks off, man. I love that trailer. That trailer walks tall. Also, Billy Crudup.

Prediction: It's not actually released in America until 2014.

2 comments:

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

I am here all day everyday for the post about GRACE OF MONACO. And, it's like maybe I've got a couple reasons to see it but then I have one BEHEMOTH of a reason to ensure I see it. And Nicole wins out over it all eventually.

Nick Prigge said...

I really hope that prediction comes true (which is to say I hope the performance is as good as I want it to be). I could go for Nicole being in the Two Time Academy Award Winner club.