' Cinema Romantico: Re-Forecasting The Best Actress Oscar Race

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Re-Forecasting The Best Actress Oscar Race


The news broke this past week – The Weinstein Company is moving the Nicole Kidman Grace Kelly biopic “Grace of Monaco” to 2014. And with the move went Cinema Romantico’s meaningless prediction that the impeccable Ms. Kidman would win this year’s Best Actress Oscar. Thus, with Oscar season swiftly approaching, it is time for us to re-evaluate the field and predict a new victor.

The obvious choice would be Kate Winslet for “Labor Day.” She is 1.) Is gunning for her 2nd statue just like Ms. Kidman and 2.) My Favorite Actress. But #2 is precisely why I can’t pick her. I already jinxed Nicole and got her movie moved, I won’t dare cast the jinx on Kate The Great.

Once upon an English lawn Naomi Watts – Ms. Kidman’s consigliere – was seen as a surefire contender for her work as Diana (Princess, that is) in “Diana” but the reviews for that film would make Uwe Boll blush.

Berenice Bejo has been getting serious buzz for “The Past” but, come on, it’s French! Like the Academy’s going to see that one! (Reader: “But ‘The Artist’ won Best Picture!” Cinema Romantico: “That’s because it was silent and set in Hollywood! They didn’t know it was French!”)

There has been significant scuttlebutt surrounding Cate Blanchett for her sadistic turn in Woody Allen’s “Blue Jasmine” but that film was released in August. August!!! August is like the 1990’s to an Academy voter! By the time Oscar ballots roll around the voters will be up to their ears in “Last Vegas” DVD screeners. Speaking of which…

Mary Steenburgen – mark my words – is going to steal “Last Vegas” right out from under all those imposters. Not that the Academy will notice. And not that I will notice (since I probably won’t see it). 

The Academy may be unaware this performance actually exists. Our sources would neither confirm nor deny.
I’ve already started plastering Academy members doors with Rooney Mara In “Ain’t Them Bodies Saints” flyers but most Academy members then just storm outside and tell me to get off their lawn and then mumble something about Judi Dench’s new movie.

Jennifer Lawrence is well on her way to being the Academy’s new Christoph Waltz but the new “Hunger Games” is too big budgetish.

Rose Byrne will probably cancel herself out between “The Internship” and “Insidious 2.”

Lake Bell in “In A World…” would be a game-changer but, uh, hey, isn’t, like, Meryl Streep in a movie again this fall?

Reader: “Hold it…”

Shailene Woodley was resplendent in “The Spectacular Now.” But, of course, the Academy has no idea who she is.

Reader: “Wait, wait, wait…”

Will Cameron Diaz's back tattoo in "The Counselor" have what it takes to score a Best Actress nod?
I personally feel like Cameron Diaz’s Back Tattoo in “The Counselor” should be in contention but feel those odds are long.

Reader: “Oh God…”

Malin Akerman is Debbie Harry in “CBGB” but that evokes Supporting Performance.

Reader: “Stop! I see what’s happening here! You’re going through the entire list, ruling out everybody, so that in the end you’re only left with……” 
Reader #2: “Left with who?” 
Reader: “Lady Gaga in ‘Machete Kills!’ This entire post was a set-up! WE'VE BEEN HAD!” 
Reader #2: “Run! Run outta the room! Shut your laptops and run! Everybody!!! There’s still time! If we don’t hear it, he didn’t say it!”

4 comments:

Vancetastic said...

I have the chance to see Diana in under two weeks here in Australia, and am wondering if I should take it -- just because Naomi Watts looks so much like Diana in the poster.

You're forgetting about Kate canceling herself out in Movie 43. Saw that a couple weeks ago, finally. Ugh.

Nick Prigge said...

Vance!!!!! So happy to see you commenting, my friend! Thank you!

You're right about Kate unfortunately, and I completely forgot about Movie 43 when I wrote this post. I think mentally I'm just trying to expunge the existence of that film from my memory (as are many of its own actors).

And I mean, Diana is still, like you say, Naomi Watts as Diana. I'll probably still see it but not with as much excitement as I would have had a year ago.

Red said...

I love this. For the final part, I definitely read it in the voice of Jim Ross from the old WWF glory days. "No! That son of a bitch! He tricked us all!!"

Nick Prigge said...

I thought this might be up your alley. And luckily having lived with a roommate many years ago who was a huge fan of the WWF I get that reference.