Recap Vomit: Trophy Wife (The Breakup)

Wait, is it the Christmas episode already?! I don’t ask this because the latest episode of “Trophy Wife” is rife with carolers and wassail, but because it seems to very prominently feature your requisite Ghost of Past, Ghost of Future and Ghost of Present. I’ll explain.

Kate’s Ghost of Past appears in the form of Meg (Natalie Morales), last seen trying to pilfer alcohol from a kids’ party that didn’t actually have any alcohol, showing up at Kate and Pete’s place despondent because she’s just broken up with her boyfriend of two weeks. Thus, it’s multi-vodka-brands-in-a-blender time! Which leads to drunken hijinks. Which leads to drunken hangovers. Which leads to Meg eating Hillary’s carefully constructed edible solar system. (Parenthetical Tangent: If as a hypothetical parent my hypothetical son or hypothetical daughter is commissioned to construct an edible solar system, will I ensure an edible Pluto is included? You’re damn right, I will.) Pete grows understandably impatient with Meg and lets Kate know, which finds Kate caught between her Past and her Present.

Warren’s Ghost of Future appears in the form of his mother, Dr. Diane Buckley (and Marcia Gay Harden brings the heat this week), actively forcing him to study for the PPSAT (Preparation for the Preparation of the SAT’s). Poor Warren. The kid’s only 15 and has no idea what he wants to be, which Kate reassures him is okay because she didn’t what she wanted to be at 15, which just makes Dr. Diane Buckley that much more staunch in her demand that Warren like his whole future is at stake (BECAUSE IT IS, DAMMIT!!!) before he’s even legal to drive. So Warren needs a respite. Which he finds when our ol’ best friend Jackie needs a little help in helping precocious Bert put together his Lego Millenium Falcon.

Warren’s a master with Legos, not with verbiage, and so when Jackie (Michaela Watkins, continuing to Reagan) councils him on the un-necessity of test-taking he quickly comes to the rescue. This leads to the age-old scene of Warren fielding a call from Diane who knows where he is and him lying about where he is and trying desperately to impersonate his Dad, and despite its age-oldness, ye gods, did it make me laugh. If only because the utter pitiableness of his attempt was something to which I could relate.

So Kate has to find a way to deal with the pressures of her past in the present and Warren has to find a way to deal with the pressures of his future in the present, and Pete – poor Pete (who we learn in an aside hates his lawyering job) – just wants to watch a movie. That’s all. Just ONE movie. He hasn’t sat down and watched a movie since he broke his leg. But, of course, the past and the future infiltrate, and his movie-watching attempts are foiled.

And this, “Trophy Wife”, is not helping my desire to want kids.