' Cinema Romantico: No...? (The BBC Top 100)

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

No...? (The BBC Top 100)

Yesterday the BBC dropped a list in which they “polled film critics from around the world to determine” the 100 greatest American films. Oh, did that get snarkbirds to sing, as you knew it would, often by dredging up that responses beginning with the most famed word in relation to any list of the greatest anything. That word: “No…” And Cinema Romantico couldn’t get left out of all the fun! So here goes. Regarding your obviously egregious, destructively absent-minded list, BBC, we ask…

No... “Viva Las Vegas”? Your haughtiness is sooooooo transparent.
No… “Bonnie and Clyde”? It’s Everything for Everyone about the Entirety of Every Part of The Whole Enchilada.

No… “Out of the Past”? Somewhere Robert Mitchum is drunk in a bar in Acapulco and telling the bartender how “Detour” is probably the only genuinely good film ever made while simply assuming BBC stands for “Bourbon, Brandy, Coganc” (“and in that order, bartender, don’t screw it up”).

No… “Detour”? Surprise, surprise.

No… “The Last Detail”? I infer a Randy Quaid bias, BBC.

No… “China Seas”? When Jean Harlow wants you to sound off, BBC, she’ll pull your rope.

No… “My Cousin Vinny”? Seems to Me, BBC, your list is far from balls on accurate.

No… “Barcelona”? It’s Consummate Eigeman, you goddam list-making cockatoos.

No… “Streets of Fire”? What, are Rock ‘n’ Roll Fables too déclassé for you, you pretentious snot-nosed arbiters?

No… “A Fish Called Wanda”? I DON’T CARE IF IT’S NOT ACTUALLY AN AMERICAN MOVIE, YOU HORSE’S ASSES!!!

No… “Clueless”? YOU’RE ALL TRAITORS TO YOUR GENERATION!!!

No… “Cocktail”? Coughlin’s Law: Rosebud is 1 ounce gin, 1 ounce dry vermouth, 3/4 ounce fresh lemon juice, 1/2 ounce St. Germain and 1/8 teaspoon rose water.

No… “Romancing the Stone”? I’ll just leave this here, you automated, authoritarian tastemakers.


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