' Cinema Romantico: Other 1980's Origin Stories

Thursday, November 05, 2015

Other 1980's Origin Stories

News came down that director Len Wiseman is considering a reboot the immortal “Die Hard” by making a film chronicling the “origin story” of John McClane which makes John McClane sound like a superhero which is pretty much what he has turned into even though he was originally established as, you know, just “a cop”, an ordinary guy in an extraordinary situation. And I can only imagine that the origin story of “Die Hard” will stick to the superhero routine and, thus, make the original “Die Hard” such an outlier that in all subsequent “Die Hard” box sets they will actually have to remove the original and pretend as if it wasn’t actually part of the initial conception for the series which will undoubtedly lead to nominal think pieces and Bruce Willis smirks on late night talk shows.

On a lighter note, this potential reboot got us to thinking about other potential reboots from the 80’s. After all, nothing is off limits in this day and age when it comes to reboots, and when it comes to absolutely-not-taboo reboots, nothing is off the table. So here’s five ideas, and one more for the road.

Other 1980's Origin Stories

Adventures in Babysitting

Adolescent Chris Parker is left in the charge of a babysitter, English exchange student Tuppance (Cara Delevigne), who, on the prowl for a boyfriend who said he was “busy” and couldn’t come over, takes young Chris into the backroom of an English restaurant where an old man from Liverpool sets them forth on a hijinks-laden escapade into the infamous Anglo underworld. Keith Richards cameos as proprietor of a blues club. “Nobody gets outta here without singing the blues…and doing a little angel dust.”

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

How did Edward R. Rooney, Dean of Students, become such an cantankerous scholastic overlord? We learn the truth in “Ed Rooney’s Day Off”! As a precocious lad, Eddie Rooney participated in senior skip day to be with the woman for whom he pined, only to be thwarted by his high school’s dastardly principal, suspended and held back for another year, made to mingle with the waistoids, dweebies and dickheads.

Commando

Here we catch back up with Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong), the heroic flight attendant, and her origin story aboard a Pan Am flight skyjacked by a Libyan whom she thwarts while still caring for a six year old flying alone, an obnoxious first class passenger who can’t understand why beverage service has been shut down and a sky marshal gone rogue. She is forced to land the plane because both pilots have fish for dinner,

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The whole gang as mischievous kindergartners. Animated, like “Muppet Babies” at Ridgemont High.

Romancing the Stone

The northern territory days of Jack T. Colton. Michael Douglas produces, gives himself the role of young twenty-something Jack T. Colton and casts Amber Heard as his love interest.

Roxanne

A cinematic, comical graphic novel: the unforgettable origin story of Mayor Deebs, “The GQ Firefighter.”

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