For God's Sake, Just Give Leo the Oscar and Be Done With It

Buzz is rampant by People Who Know About These Things (whom I’m not always so sure know about these things) that Leonardo DiCaprio is the certified Academy Award Best Actor front-runner for his forthcoming turn in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s purportedly masochistic opus “The Revenant.”

I have not seen “The Revenant” and therefore cannot comment on the actual veracity of Mr. DiCaprio's turn, but I do know that all these He's-Gonna-Win pronouncements have elicited many social media pissing matches about all manner of awards-y things, like whether people have just decided it’s Leo’s “time” even though he’s so young that he has not necessarily lived long enough for his “time” to have arrived, or whether it’s not acting so much as “enduring harsh working conditions”, like apparently chowing down on bison liver, sleeping in animal carcasses and, per reliable sources, literally going over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

Whatever. I say give him the Oscar and give it to him now, because my reliable sources are telling me that Leo has told them that if he wins he’ll stop being so insufferably self-serious on the screen and star in a drawing room comedy with Olivia Wilde and Seth Rogen in which he plays an Oscar-winning actor who has risen to his station in life from great hardship and poverty who plans to solidify his standing in the Hollywood hierarchy by marrying a snobbish starlet only to learn that his mother-in-law's butler is from his real family and knows the truth, the truth he plans to reveal to Access Hollywood the night of the Academy Awards.