' ' Cinema Romantico: History's Ten Biggest Badasses

Friday, July 01, 2011

History's Ten Biggest Badasses

After I recently declared that Lady Gaga and Clarence Clemons were the two biggest badasses in the long, decorated history of big badasses the following question was posed to me: "Who are the other biggest badasses in the long, decorated history of big badasses?" Thus, this list.

Now please don't misunderstand, these aren't the official ten biggest badasses in the long, decorated history of big badasses. That is far too subjective. No, these are merely who I personally consider to be the ten biggest badasses in the long, decorated history of big badasses. Also, please understand that my definition of what constitutes a badass is likely completely different from any other person on the face of the earth. So don't get upset. And feel free to chime in with your own favorite badasses.

The Ten Biggest Badasses In The Long, Decorated History Of Big Badasses

10. Peter Venkman. In the midst of, you know, trying to trap a freaking ghost this man takes a moment to whip a tablecloth so every item on the table but the vase of flowers goes flying. That's a badass where I come from.

9. Han Solo. No explanation necessary.

8. General "Mad"Anthony Wayne. At the Battle of Stony Point in 1779 he took a British musket ball to the head  - I repeat, he took a musket ball to the head - and then ordered two of his men to carry him so he could - and I quote - "die at the head of my column." Except he didn't die. And he won the battle. Because he's a badass.

7. Kylie Minogue. What's that, you say? A five foot proprietor of disco pop can't be a badass? Au contraire. 1.) She told cancer what to go do with itself. 2.) She's a knight. 3.) This. 4.) This. 5.) This. Now zip it and move along.

6. Omar Little. If you have to ask "Who's Omar Little?" then please, for the love of everything sacred and holy, would you please Netflix "The Wire" and then prepare yourself to be left in awe by his unfurling waves of badassedness? 

 5. Evelyn Salt. Rumors are circulating that she was part of Seal Team 6. And that, frankly, she did most of the work.

4. Ndamukong Suh. It's a bird...it's a plane...

3. Humphrey Bogart. "I could use a foot more in height and fifty more pounds and fifteen years off my age and then God help all you bastards."

2. Clarence Clemons. From Bruce Springsteen's eulogy for Clemons: "Standing next to Clarence was like standing next to the baddest ass on the planet. You were proud, you were strong, you were excited and laughing with what might happen, with what together, you might be able to do. You felt like no matter what the day or the night brought, nothing was going to touch you."

1. Lady Gaga. Part diva. Part rock 'n' rolla. Part disco queen. Part after hours jazz pianist. Part Upper East Side Story. Part young Natassja Kinski. Part young Anjelica Huston. Part rebel without a cause. Part rebel without a pause. Part glitter-strewn steamroller. Part whiskey-drenched electromagnetsim. Part Eyjafjallajokull. Part fire breathing dragon. Part Highway Unicorn. Part '69 Chevy with a 396. But all Gaga (i.e. the Roman Goddess Of Badassery).

2 comments:

5plitreel said...

What an awesome list, I might steal this at some point and do a character one. Totally agreed on Bogey, Omar and Han Solo.

Nicholas Prigge said...

Thank you. And by all means, have at it. Make a list. I'd love to read it.