Fearless Oscar Predictions

The 2006 Academy Awards are right around the corner and this blogger will do what is required of every movie critic - predict the winners. Before you laugh, let me advise that last year my friend Dan won his Oscar pool on the strength of my picks. So if you're looking to come out victorious in your own pool this Sunday, I recommend you copy precisely what you see below. But before my modesty gets too out of control, let's skip to the good stuff.

Best Picture – Crash. It's been a few years since we've had a good shocker in this category and I think we're due. "Brokeback Mountain" has been the front-runner for quite some time but buzz has been building that "Crash" is gaining ground. I in no way believe "Crash" is deserving of Best Picture (in fact, I would say it's the least deserving of the five nominees) but I am picking it to win.

Best Director – Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain. You can mark this one in stone.

Best Actor – Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Capote. He’s been winning everything so this pick makes sense. But lately I’ve been having a premonition the presenter opens the envelope, does a double-take and says “Terrence Howard”.

Best Actress – Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line. If this one doesn’t happen, I’ll throw a very large object (my chair, perhaps?) through my window while shouting swear words that have not even been invented.

Best Supporting Actor – Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man. I would imagine George Clooney would be the favorite for “Syriana” and I’m a big fan of Mr. Clooney. But my gut is telling me that Giamatti will spring an upset.

Best Supporting Actress – Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener. She’s good in this and deserving. I also hope this win opens her up to more roles of this nature. She’s a superb actress and worthy of better material than "Constantine" and “The Mummy Returns”.

Best Original Screenplay – Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale. In this case, justice will be served.

Best Adapted Screenplay - Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain. It won't be denied.

Best Documentary Feature – March of the Penguins. It’s received the most pub of all the nominees. Remember – pub counts. (But let the record show that "Grizzly Man" not receiving a nomination in this category is - as Woody Allen once said - "A travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.")

Best Animated Feature - Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. I have seen none of the nominees. But it seems every critic is picking this so I'm picking it, too. Hey, at least I'm honest.

Best Foreign Film – Paradise Now. Again, I have been unable to view any of the nominees to this point but I have a hunch.

Best Cinemotagraphy - Brokeback Mountain. Sweeping vistas are hard to beat.

Best Film Editing - Crash. I would imagine this one had the most footage to wade through.

Best Sound Editing - King Kong. I believe this is the category Mike Myers made fun of a few years back. But only after having to deal with a mysterious radio in an empty building do you truly appreciate the subtleties of sound.

Best Costume Design - Memoirs of a Geisha. I'm able to use my keen fashion sense to ascertain "Geisha" will come out victorious.

Best Makeup - Memoirs of a Geisha. How can a film with such a title be rebuffed for achievement in makeup?

Best Visual Effects - King Kong. The best part of this category is that George Lucas and his schlock-fest "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith" did not get nominated.

Best Art Direction - King Kong. This will win for bringing 1930's New York back to life (because that's what this award is for, right?)

Best Original Score - Brokeback Mountain. The woodwinds were very strong on this piece.

Best Original Song - It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp, Hustle and Flow. Why not?