' ' Cinema Romantico: What A Difference Sienna Would Make

Thursday, August 09, 2007

What A Difference Sienna Would Make

Ah yes, times are marvelous here at Cinema Romantico considering we're still in the early throes of our new Cinematic Crush on Sienna Miller. But we came to the unfortunate realization that we merely proclaimed said Crush and did not, in fact, celebrate it. Therefore a blogging soiree is in order.

After the announcement of the new Crush we were confronted by several readers who indicated they were unimpressed with Ms. Miller's work to this point and openly questioned our declaration. Get it straight, people, Sienna Miller is the Cinematic Crush and that is not changing. And has been established, the poor films to this point are not Sienna's fault. She's still waiting for more people to see the talent she truly and completely possesses (check out "Interview" if you want a glimpse). And that got us to thinking, what if Sienna's alluring presence had graced certain films from Hollywood past? How different would our cinematic landscape look? It turns out the answer is quite a bit.

If Sienna Miller's in “Armageddon” then animal crackers are still appetizing.

If Sienna Miller's in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” then Marion doesn’t win the shot contest.

If Sienna Miller's in "To Have and Have Not" then she doesn't ask for a match because she's already got one.

If Sienna Miller's in "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" then everyone remembers Jennifer Grey from "Bloodhounds of Broadway".

If Sienna Miller's in “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” then Mr. Smith doesn’t make it past the third reel.

If Sienna Miller's in “The Blair Witch Project” then ding! dong! the witch is dead.

If Sienna Miller's in "Dante's Peak" then it's the best movie about an erupting volcano ever.

If Sienna Miller's in “Swing Time” then Fred Astaire’s got a new dance partner.

If Sienna Miller's in “The Devil Wears Prada” then Meryl Streep ends up floating face down in the East River.

If Sienna Miller's in “The Last Kiss” then Zach Braff is still sitting on the porch.

If Sienna Miller's in "The Cannonball Run" then guess what, Adrienne Barbeau? You lose.

If Sienna Miller's in "My Best Friend's Wedding" then Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz are playing for second place.

If Sienna Miller's in “The English Patient” then she tells Ralph Fiennes to take care of himself and no one has to hear that god-awful, boring story.

If Sienna Miller's in "Kill Bill" then she doesn't need Hattori Hanzo steel.

If Sienna Miller's in "Jaws" then they don't need a bigger boat.

If Sienna Miller's in "The Wizard of Oz" then she got the hell outta' Kansas a long time before that tornado.

If Sienna Miller's in "300" then it needs to change its title to "301".

If Sienna Miller's in "Tombstone" and working for the Clanton's and McLaury's then history gets re-written.

If Sienna Miller's in "Some Like It Hot" then it needs a new curtain line.

1 comment:

Wretched Genius said...

If Sienna Miller's in anything, then I'd like a refund.