' ' Cinema Romantico: A Digression: 她是所有那 (She's All That)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

A Digression: 她是所有那 (She's All That)

I suppose I don't know how many people anymore possess interest in the so-called Olympic Games but I suppose I don't care. Personally, I love 'em. I absolutely love 'em. Two solid weeks of people carrying out their dreams makes me frickin' happy. (Note: My friend Becky is actually in Beijing for the Games so I urge you to keep updated on the sites and sounds of the XXIX Olympiad via her blog.)

But I have to say that I'm even more excited than usual for the 2008 Summer Games and this is because my hometown will be representin' in Beijing courtesy of 16 year old Shawn Johnson, tried and true resident of West "Most Chain Restaurants Per Capita Of Any City In The Continental United States" Des Moines, Iowa, who will be part of the US Female Gymnastics Team. (For the record, Shawn is not one of those raised-in-the-womb-to-be-a-gymnast gymnasts. Her mom took her to a local gym for nothing more than a little recreation and bam! Shawn found her passion and the rest was history. And this, of course, just lends more credence to the old proverb "Never Mess With A Passionate Iowan".)

And while anyone skilled enough, dedicated enough, and fortunate enough to stand for their nation in the Olympics has the right to be proud just to compete, let's get somethin' straight - Shawn Johnson is not merely in a just-goin'-to-Beijing-to-compete situation. Ya' feel me, dawgs? She's the 2 time (read: back-to-back) US All-Around National Champion, the defending World All-Around Champion and she just won the Olympic Trials going away (which I watched, meaning even I can't jinx her). She is the proverbial - no, no, why am I saying proverbial? She is the Gold Medal favorite.

Ya' best recognize, rival gymnasts. Weather beacon blue....Shawn Johnson's comin' for you. (If you have no idea what that means, well, it's probably because you've never seen John Bachman at the Tavern and thought, "Ooooooh....celebrity.")

Don't you be bringin' that weak-ass s--- to this competition, Romania. Stay home since you're already there, China. There's a straight-up Iowan in the hiz-house! Shawn makes the balance beam look as wide as the Raccoon River and the vault as leisurely as a stroll through Valley West Mall opening weekend of the Jordan Creek Town Center. True dat.

Her skillz are so wack she'll be sharing the stage this summer with the Iowa livestock that's got the most flava....The Butter Cow. (How 'bout you, Nadia Comaneci? Ever been cast in butter? Yeah. That's what I thought.)

Okay, okay, I'm a little wound up, a little outta' control. I need to tone it down. The last thing Shawn wants is some moron blogger who can't even do half of one pull-up talking trash and ranting and raving about he too used to run tha streetz of WDM and how they actually have just a teensy bit in common. (Question: Do you know how Shawn chooses to relieve stress? Answer: By writing.)

Look, it's just amazing to think I can turn on my TV next week and see someone competing in the Olympics from my old stomping grounds, someone who probably has to repeatedly explain to her teammates, "Uh, no, Iowa actually isn't just one big cornfield and, no, I don't park next to a tractor when I go to the gym."

Or, let me put it this way - I saw Carl Lewis (arguably the greatest Olympian of all time) when he ran at the Drake Relays in Des Moines. But getting to see someone from Des Moines in the Olympics will be much, much cooler.


Ashley said...

The other day an English woman complimented my tattoo and asked where I got it. Then, without listening to my answer, she said: "You didn't get it in IOWA, did you?" When I said, yes, Iowa, it was, she said, "But isn't it all just farming there?"

Also, Nick, your trash talk could use some work.

Nick Prigge said...

I may not be able to talk the talk, but I can walk the walk.

Okay, that's a lie. I can't do either one.

Wretched Genius said...

Stop telling people how great Iowa is. I still live here, and I like keeping all this awesomeness for myself. We have no interest in sharing this hidden paradise with anyone. Just the other day I was able to buy two giant, delicious corn-fed steaks for under $10. The rest of the country does not need to know.

The Fab Miss B said...

Looks like Eric will need to continue his relentless scouring of the internet for ladies gymnastics tickets...We're there for you Nick.