' ' Cinema Romantico: An Open Letter To Perry Farrell

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

An Open Letter To Perry Farrell

This is the thanks I get? Last year I shelled out $90 to stand in the heat and the mud with a bunch of teenagers for five hours and drink lukewarm, disgusting Bud Light because your punk ass won't sell decent beer at your monlothic Lollapalooza hoedown to see Lady Gaga and no one else and this is the thanks I get? I was all ready and willing to shell out another $90, Perry, to see my current favorite band in the world Wye Oak (who at present, yes, I like more than Gaga), and no one else, play for no more than 45 minutes at your fancy-pants outdoor fest, and what do you and your minions do?

It's not you, it's Farrell.
Schedule them for Friday afternoon. Well, of course you did, you monopolizing bastard. Over 100 freaking bands and the one band I want see you schedule for Friday afternoon. What am I, made of time off?! Answer: NO. I'M NOT. I might - repeat: might - have been able to finagle a half day to catch their show but even that won't work because you scheduled them to PLAY AT NOON!!!!

Noon? Are you kidding me with this gobbledygook? Wye Oak isn't the Ray Connif Singers. They're not a Traffic cover band ("We don't do Winwood solo songs"). They're not Twirling Merlin, winner of Battle of the Bands at Xippo. You couldn't have put 'em on at 5? 3:30? 2:15? Even 12:45 so I COULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE FREAKING PARK ON TIME????? I mean, I know Coldplay gets the primo slot because they're Coldplay but, let's be real, in an axe-off with (Editor: Please insert name of Coldplay's guitarist here) Jenn Wasner would jackhammer him into amnesia. In a one-on-one fight to the death with Chris Martin, Jenn Wasner would win in .0037 seconds.

Down with 'palooza.
Granted, you've still got some bands I like. Maybe if I could check out Lykke Li and Lissie - oh, except they're playing on different days. But maybe if I could see Lissie and Ryan Bingham - oh, except Lissie goes on 30 minutes after Ryan Bingham so I'd somehow have to book it from one end of Grant Park to the other end in the hope that - no, screw it. And you. I've had it up to here, Perr-Bear.

I just bought a ticket to see my beloved gothic enchantress at Pitchfork instead. Maybe I can get a microbrew there.


Anonymous said...

Pitchfork has been getting progressively worse each year. They used to sell strictly Goose Island beers but last year they switched to Heineken. Tickets and concession prices have been steadily rising as well. It's still better than Lolla, but it's starting to outgrow its initial concept (not to mention Union Park).

Nick Prigge said...

Oh no! Not Heineken! I hate Heineken! Damn it! Why is it so hard to get a decent beer at a music festival?!