' ' Cinema Romantico: Serendipity: The Fate of Lars & Halley

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Serendipity: The Fate of Lars & Halley

The 2001 film "Serendipity", generally considered in most cinematic circles (by which I mean no cinematic circles whatsoever) as the best romantic comedy since "Annie Hall", in the end, as it must, brings together its destiny-obsessed protagonists Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale). But what of the two respective characters to whom our destiny-obsessed protagonists were originally engaged?

This is the age-old question and even sparked a supposedly subpar (I've never seen it) rom com of its own called "The Baxter", detailing the sort of side character who always gets spurned in the movies in the name of the main character. Lars Hammond (John Corbett), engaged to Sara, wasn't so much of a Baxter as he was a Clueless Jackanapse, a new age musician married to his whimsical craft who ignores his potential bride to discuss his own moronic music video with his hapless manager. Halley Buchanon (Bridget Moynihan), however, fits the criteria of a Female Baxter, a pleasant, easy-going, waifish (?) young gal who comes across truly in love with Jonathan (unless the scene where she says she's "going to go yell at the super" is supposed to turn us against her), only to be flummoxed by her potential husband's pining for The One That Got Away.

So what? What happened to Lars and Halley? Where did they go? What did they do?

Lars Hammond: His new album is a flop, artistically and commercially, too intent on "de-aging the New Age", according to one review. He retreats to Greece and reinvents himself as a New Age record producer, constructing a studio on the island of Santorini and marrying a Greek swimsuit model too vapid to truly grasp her husband's idiocy. In time he become's Yanni's go-to touring flutist and unwittingly buys a Greek vineyard that specializes in ultra-watered down box wine.

Halley Buchanon: At first, she makes like Hilary Swank in "P.S. I Love You", staying indoors, wearing sweatpants, eating ice cream, and incessantly listening to Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted." Eventually she succumbs to the Panic Marriage by getting hitched to plain Pete, the guy with the corner office, even though the only thing they have in common is their affection for herbal tea. Four weeks after the wedding she's pregnant, twenty-two months after the baby is born they move from New York to Connecticut, she buys an SUV the size of a Sherman Tank, joins the Library Association Of America in a futile effort to find and destroy every known copy of "Love in the Time of Cholera" and periodically breaks down sobbing for hours at a time which causes a confused Pete to hide in his solarium.


Univarn said...

Of course you forgot the part where the life of Halley and Pete is turned into a direct video sequel entitled Blue Valentine 2. Other than that this post is top class!

Nick Prigge said...

Oh my God! It IS Blue Valentine 2, isn't it? Good call. It'll just be set in a trendier suburb than the original. And thank you for the kind words.

Castor said...

Ahaha are you into fan-fiction now? You should spin off a movie out of this ;)

Nick Prigge said...

I could get into fan-fiction. No one would want to ready my fan-fiction because it would all be about lesser characters in movies no one likes but me, but I might have a good time.

Chief Brody said...

Haha...good stuff.

To be honest I've never been a fan of Serendipity...although I wouldn't say I dislike it but I think the critical and audience acclaim it gets probably works against my enjoyment. But the big thing I suppose is Kate Beckinsale - I think she's one of the most beautiful actresses but I don't rate her acting too highly.

Nick Prigge said...

I always find myself defending Kate Beckinsale's acting but I have to admit I also always find myself wondering if I do that simply because I find her so beautiful.

But she was great in Snow Angels.

Although I spent a portion of my review of that film talking about how I wanted to take her out on a date.

So I honestly don't know.