' ' Cinema Romantico: Michael Bay Planning From Here To Eternity Remake

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Michael Bay Planning From Here To Eternity Remake

With a remake of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" as well as a still unnamed new entry to his reboot of "Transformers", Michael Bay announced his intentions to add a third remake to his docket - specifically in the form of Fred Zinnemann's 1953 Oscar winning classic "From Here To Eternity." Bay explained he had in recent years harbored a few regrets about his handling of the infamous Pearl Harbor story in his also infamous 2001 movie and hoped to set things right.

He did, however, announce his intentions to update and modernize the story, specifically by changing the critical third act crux from the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7 1941 to an attack by a mysterious alien race on Pearl Harbor sometime in the very near future. "People just aren't interested in World War Two that much these days," Bay was quoted as saying at a Santa Barbara Press Junket. "They want aliens."

Bay also announced what he termed "further minor and hardly noticeable" variations to the original. "We plan on having the character of Prewitt agree to be part of the boxing team on Company G. That way we can work a climactic boxing match in just ahead of the bombing." He also indicated that Prewitt would not desert the outfit specifically because the character of Maggio would not die. "The initial plan is to have Maggio function as comic relief to Prewitt and to use Fatso Jutson for a wide variety of fat jokes. I mean, really! His name's Fatso! How did Zinnemann miss that?!"

Additionally, he plans to shorten the title to "Eternity." "'From Here To Eternity?'" the director asked rhetorically. "What does that even mean? From WHERE To Eternity? It's nonsensical. It means nothing. Plus, a one word title will be more convenient for Twitter."

He also expressed interest in substituting the iconic beach scene between Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster for a scene in which Waikiki Beach would be blown up.


thevoid99 said...

Oh, is it going to star Shia LaBeouf and a Victoria's Secret model?

LOL, nice joke.

Nick Prigge said...

I can only imagine Rosie Huntington Whiteley will take the Deborah Kerr part and some unknown but hot non-actress will sub in for Donna Reed.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed the dry humor and sarcasm, Nick.

This is only further proof of why I can't stand him. Lovely.

Nick Prigge said...

Although Michael Bay is my Public Enemy #1, even I don't think he'd actually be this negligent of classic film.

Or maybe I'm just trying to reassure myself?