' ' Cinema Romantico: Hypothesizing Billy Crudup's Part In The Watch

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Hypothesizing Billy Crudup's Part In The Watch

We're all friends here, right? We can be honest with each other, yes? Excellent. So then we can all agree that the preview for the Vince Vaughn/Ben Stiller/Jonah Hill ostensible comedy in which they fend off an alien invasion, "Neighborhood Watch" - er, "The Watch", looks terrible. Well, not terrible. Mediocre. But more than just mediocre. Depressingly mediocre. But no, not depressingly. More like......tiredly. Tiredly mediocre. Like it's so mediocre it just makes you tired and desperate to lay down for a nap. Except that, of course, is not our most pressing issue today. No, our most pressing issue today is the fact that Billy Crudup, my favorite actor, the actor whose ENTIRE oeuvre I have seen (yes, even "Eat, Pray, Love"), is in "Neighborhood Watch" - er, "The Watch." And that means I have to see it. Which brings us right along to the second problem and, by extension, ultimate question.

Billy Crudup is not in the tiredly mediocre preview for "Neighborhood Watch" - er, "The Watch."

Where are you, Billy? WHO are you?
Every description I can find of the part he is set to play in "Neighborhood Watch" - er, "The Watch" - is of the "creepy neighbor" (per movieweb.com). Nextmovie.com describes his character thusly: "Every town has one: the creepy, weird, maybe slightly off (to put it nicely) resident." Indiewire describes him as "a creepy and weird neighbor" and then goes on to ask "Correct us if we're wrong, but it sounds like Crudup's going to be putting on the bad guy hat for this one?"

Hmmmmmm. The bad guy. Is that why he's not seen in the preview? I am made to remember the time many years ago I first saw the preview for Mel Gibson's "Ransom" and when it ended the friend I was watching with turned to me and said, "Well, obviously Gary Sinise is the bad guy." "Why?" I wondered. "Because he's hardly in the preview!" my friend countered. And, of course, my friend was right.

But I don't think so. I think if his character is established as the "creepy and weird neighbor" it would be far too obvious to then go ahead and make him the bad guy. Nope, I'm wagering that Billy Crudup is going to assume The Old Man With The Snow Shovel In "Home Alone" Role. He SEEMS creepy and weird only to swoop in and save the day at a crucial moment and prove himself to merely be......wait for it......misunderstood.

Either way, I really don't want to watch this movie. Not that it's going to stop me. I am, after all, an idiot.

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