' ' Cinema Romantico: Determining Kate Beckinsale's Role In The Len Wiseman Mummy Remake

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Determining Kate Beckinsale's Role In The Len Wiseman Mummy Remake

It has been 13 years since "The Mummy" remake and because 13 is 48 in Hollywood Years, the time has arrived for the remake of the remake. Len Wiseman, who recently helmed the "Total Recall" remake, has been tabbed to direct. And because Len Wiseman has been tabbed to direct we can only assume that Wiseman will, as Wiseman does, include his fetching wife Kate Beckinsale in the cast. The question then becomes, what part does Kate Beckinsale play?

And based on the previous two films there appear to be three options. Anck-su-Namun, the love of Imhotep, the man who would become The Mummy, who was featured in both films. Or Egyptologist/Librarian Evelyn Carnahan - from the remake - who possesses the map that leads to the place where The Mummy will be unleashed and who The Mummy will then attempt to sacrifice to bring his love back to life. Or the original film's Helen Grosvenor, the beguiling daughter of the English Governor of the Sudan, who functions as The Mummy's potential sacrificial Anck-su-Namun lookalike.

We can, of course, eliminate Evelyn Carnahan immediately. No offense to Librarians, but Kate Beckinsale is not a Librarian (even though we all know she likes to curl up Saturday nights in front of the fire with a little Thomas Aquinas).

Helen Grosvenor is bewitching, certainly, and while that is most decidedly Beckinsale-y the distinct lack of ass-kicking is not.

Thus, it will have to Anck-su-Namen. But a problem emerges - namely, the role of Anck-su-Namen is not of enough prominence.

So here's what we'll do. We'll flip roles of Imohtep and Anck-su-Namen and turn Anck-su-Namen into "The Mummy." This way when she is awakened she can kick ass, Beckinsale-style. Also, The Mummy will have to succeed in the human sacrifice to resurrect Imohtep so they can live happily ever after. Because Kate Beckinsale cannot be allowed to lose. Hope everyone's cool with it.


Andrew K. said...

I will burn this TOWN DOWN!!!!
I exagerrate but is it weird that I have mad love for THE MUMMY? Hey, it introduced me to Rachel Weisz and I haven't looked back since. Kate Beckinsale isn't worthy of her.

How bad this will be I wonder?


joe_h said...

" it introduced me to Rachel Weisz and I haven't looked back since. Kate Beckinsale isn't worthy of her."

You've got poor taste in women and you obviously need your eyes checked. Kate Beckinsale literally destroys Rachel Weisz on every level. She is far hotter and far sexier than Weisz will ever dream of being. She also has far better range as an actress than Weisz too, who was not the least bit credible in the action sequences.

As for Weisz's Mummy films, they were all crap. The original was moderately fun, but that's about as far as I'd go. It's hilarious you pre-judge this film, while praising the crap Stephen Sommers pumped out.

As for Beckinsale's role in the film, don't assume she's in this film simply because her husband may direct. She wasn't in Live Free Or Die Hard. She wasn't in the Hawaii Five-O pilot he directed either. Of course it's amazing that people whine because Wiseman casts his wife, but nobody says a word when Tim Burton casts his partner Helena Bonham-Carter in every film he makes, and she's been in far more of his films than Beckinsale has in her husband's films.

Anonymous said...

Ahah, Joe's response is too funny. Boy someone worships at Kate B's altar ;)

I really enjoyed the first Mummy film, so hearing Len going to remake (read: butcher) this reboot, just like he did with Total Recall, is just sad. I do LOVE Weisz in the original though she seems to have grown as an actress, preferring to do more 'serious' films. Even in a bad movie like Bourne Legacy, she still shines. Kate just doesn't seem to um, apply herself, to put it gently. Heh, that hack Wiseman is getting to her.

Nick Prigge said...

Andrew: You know, I actually enjoyed the first Mummy (remake) quite a bit up until the actual Mummy showed up. There was an old-fashioned spirit to that first bit and then I thought it just became too mechanical. And while I am an unabashed Beckinsale fan, I will also admit that Weisz is certainly a more rangy actress.

Joe: Woah, woah, woah! Just calm down there! I wasn't whining. I have NOTHING against Wiseman casting his wife. You must have missed the roughly dozen mash notes posing as posts I have written about Kate Beckinsale on this site. If I was Len I'd be casting her too. I WANT her to be in The Mummy remake! I WANT her to actually play The Mummy! My greatest disappointment with Live Free or Die Hard was that he DIDN'T cast her! Kate would win a rumble with Maggie Q any day of the week!

Ruth: I do like them both but yeah, Weisz's dramatic chops are just more apparent. Or, perhaps, more utilized. I thought Kate Beckinsale was really good in Snow Angels.

Unknown said...

I really love your idea of the Mummy as a woman...definitely a different twist, if written good ..Beckinsale works for me in that role....

Nick Prigge said...

Yes! Someone else onboard with Beckinsale as The Mummy! I think it can happen...