' ' Cinema Romantico: 5 More Genres For Quentin Tarantino

Thursday, December 05, 2013

5 More Genres For Quentin Tarantino

Filmmaking wunderkind Quentin Tarantino recently announced that his next film would be a Western, and this was spectacularly right. It was spectacularly right because Tarantino is not the sort who announces his new projects based on actors or premises or budgets. No, he is the sort who announces his new projects based on genre. And we all think: "Ah, now he's making his _______ movie."

He made a Kung Fu movie which was followed by a Grindhouse movie which was followed by a WWII movie which was followed by a Blaxploitation movie which will be followed by a Western. And so it goes. And this, as it must, got me to thinking. What other genres could Q.T. tackle?

5 More Genres For Quentin Tarantino

Disaster Movie. It seems reasonable to think Q.T. might be an Irwin Allen fan, the famed producer who brought big budgets and sprawling casts to disaster-oriented productions like "The Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure." And in 2003, Tarantino jokingly referred to a movie he and Samuel L. Jackson called "Airport 2005." But that......that just seems a little too obvious for our boy Quentin. Might I suggest, "When Time Ran Out 2014"? Or, "Planet Hollywood." A disaster movie set at Planet Hollywood and seen through the eyes of a sprawling cast of celebrity lookalikes.

Genie In A Bottle. Starring Samuel L. Jackson as the Genie In The Bottle. And Amber Heard as the whimsical but badass woman who finds the bottle, a one-time Miss America contestant cheated out of the pageant crown by villainous Miss Tennessee (Hayden Panettiere). She wishes for a gold-encrusted M16/SP1 ("like the one Schwarzenegger had in 'Predator'") and a winsome nose ring ("those bitches at the pageant wouldn't let me have one") and hits the road in search of payback.

Sword and Sandal Epic. Seriously, who wouldn't want to see Q.T. tackle the story of Helen of Troy and The Trojan War? The casting decisions! My God, think of the casting decisions! Unless he would prefer to tell the story of Hercules and Hippolyte (Uma Thurman). Unless he just wants to invent his own Tarantino-ized Greek myth, which might be the best of all. So yeah. Let's go with that. A Quentin Tarantino-invented Greek myth.

Elvis Musical. So, what's say Q.T. remakes "Frankie & Johnny" (1966). Lindsay Lohan as Frankie? (It's time for Tarantino to resurrect her.) James Franco as Johnny? Anne Hathaway as Nellie Bly? John Stamos as Cully? And all the songs are pop songs handpicked by Tarantino and lip-synched to by the cast, a la "Romance & Cigarettes"?

Biblical Epic. With "Inglorious Basterds" Tarantino told an alternate history of WWII, so hey, why not tell an alternate history of the Bible? Are you familiar with this book? Now just imagine that taken to the nth degree but with more swearing, more Christoph Waltz and more Ronettes.


Mette said...

Biblical epic? Only if its trailer is better than that of Noah. Otherwise, I'd totally vote for Sword and Sandal epic.

Nick Prigge said...

I tried really hard to think of a particular Bible story Quentin could turn into a movie but, man, that's tough. Peter escaping from prison was one that came to mind. Boy, could he stylize that.

Either way, a Q.T. Greek Myth sounds enticing, doesn't it?

Unknown said...

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