' ' Cinema Romantico: Christopher Nolan's Latest Big Announcement

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Christopher Nolan's Latest Big Announcement

You would have thought, naive reader, that superhero movie news could not have got any more bloated than the recent announcement of roughly 330,000 new superhero movies to be released over the course of the next 75 years with some planned filmmakers for some planned installments not having been born yet though, rest assured, the studios in question already have contingency plans in place because contingency plans in case of hypothetical directors for theoretical superhero movies failing to be born always takes precedence over, say, originality but I think I've become carried away in one of my patented run-on sentences and, speaking of which, I'm 34% convinced I saw Amy Adams on the the train yesterday morning because "Batman vs. Superman" is being filmed in Chicago right now because they never stop filming superhero movies and even though it might have just been a case of Superhero Movie Overload Hallucinations, oh my God, how desperately I wanted to go up to that probably-not-Amy-Adams-woman and say "Excuse me, but aren't you the Picasso of passive-agressive karate?"

What was my point? Oh. Right. Just when you didn't think superhero movie news could get any more bloated a report by Latino Movie Review emerged that Sony is considering a "Spiderman" spin-off that would not actually include Spidey himself and focus instead on Peter Parker's dear Aunt May.

Naturally this made Christopher Nolan, the King of superhero movie bloat, jealous and he immediately announced plans for a "Batman" spinoff that will not actually include Batman himself and instead focus on Bruce Wayne's momentary squeeze, Natascha, the prima Russian ballerina. Reports indicate the film will focus on her attempts to create the first ballet company on the moon after dancing is outlawed by the Republican controlled Senate. This, of course, likely means that Hans Zimmer will be tasked to re-imagine Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker" which should make it a must-see for purists. It will probably also star Michael Caine.

Christopher Nolan's new muse?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that you're cray-cray! :D