The Grand Wes Anderson Golden Globes Speech

It’s a film awards season and the most important thing to remember, you, avid-watcher of awards season television programs, is that no one who wins can thank people properly. Don’t misunderstand – I’m not saying they can’t thank people right, because they often do, but that our nation, as purveyors of social media, is under the impression that no one (I repeat, NO ONE) can thank anyone right. To whomever you say “thanks”, potential award winner, and whatever manner in which you say it and however long it takes you to say it, you’re wrong. And Twitter gonna let you know.

This is why I thought Jared Leto’s acceptance speech at last year’s Independent Spirit Awards in winning Best Supporting Actor for “Dallas Buyers Club” was so brilliant. He had been taken to task numerous times in the weeks leading up to that victory for not thanking people right in other acceptance speeches. So, he took that criticism to heart and then flipped it on its smelly, stupid face. He thanked “the seven billion human beings on the planet, and all of the planets and animals.” He thanked “the makers of vegan butter and baby Jesus.” He thanked “homemade burritos.” He thanked “Whitcomb L. Judson – the inventor of the zipper.” He thanked “Marisa Tomei”, but then everybody should thank Marisa Tomei. (Thanks, Marisa Tomei.) People, of course, got mad at him yet again for not thanking people right without realizing that what he had done was essentially troll everyone who had been criticizing him for not thanking people right. I thought it was certifiably brilliant.

At The Golden Globes this past Sunday, however, Wes Anderson, in accepting the award for Best Comedy/Musical for his outstanding “Grand Budapest Hotel”, went one better. He trolled the idea of not thanking people right in acceptance speeches and then he trolled the very people – the enigmatic Hollywood Foreign Press Association – who bestowed him the award, which also means he successfully trolled all the people who just reflexively thank the HFPA even if they have no idea who they are.

The Speech: “I’m not going to spend many of my few seconds up here thanking people like Steven Rales and Scott Rudin and Jim Gianopulos and Nancy Utley and Steve Gilula, Jane and Owen, Ralph and Hugo, Jeremy, Bill, Rowan and Jason, Randy and Edward, and Adrian and Jason, Jeff and Tilda, Jim and Rick, and especially James L. Brooks and Polly Platt. Instead, I’m going to focus on the membership of the Hollywood Foreign Press: Yorum and Dagmar and Yukiko and Munawar and Lorenzo, Armando, Husam, Jean-Paul, Hans, Helmut – these are the people I want to thank tonight, and many others with names nothing like theirs, but equally captivating – Kirpi, Erkki, Anke, and so on. I thank you for this Golden Globe.”

Here's to hoping Wes lands a Best Director nod with the Academy and the statue too, if only to hear what his Oscar speech might sound like.