This is not Kylie Minogue in San Andreas. But it is Kylie Minogue. Isn't she the greatest? |
Because it’s Andrew O’Hehir writing at Salon who’s really got Universal Empress Minogue figured. He writes: “…and I’m sorry we don’t see more of Kylie Minogue in a teensy, bitchy cameo that threatens to eat the whole movie.” Yes. It does. It suggests a whole different film. It suggests a film where a Jackie Q-ish diva is made to ride along in the back of Bill & Jo’s pickup truck in “Twister” rather than Jami Gertz. And O.M.F.G. I want to see that movie more than “The Force Awakens.” “San Andreas” really only gets tongue-in-cheeky in Paul Giamatti's performance and Kylie could have drowned the entire movie in tongue-in-cheek grown-up mean girl salad dressing. Yet, Brad Peyton understood that wasn’t the movie he wanted to make. He wanted a lean, mean delivery device for action adrenaline. To create it, he needed to offload Susan Riddick whose frigidly hoity-toity vixen simply would have overburdened the nimble narrative. And so, Susan, panicked, shoves Emma aside and runs like a hell for a door, screaming “Get Outta My Way!”, that she apparently falls out of because when Emma opens that same door moments later, well, it looks out at where the rest of the building used to be. “(It’s) nothing more than a cameo that’ll likely end in pain and misery for those who love her,” Nolfi writes.
I see his point. I mean, I walked to the theater blasting “Light Years” through my headphones to get myself pumped up. And then, as soon I saw her, she was gone, and my heart drooped. Enjoying the film probably helped my recovery but there’s something to be said for her not tagging along and potentially turning into, say, Lucky Larry. That would have been grotesque. Instead, we could revel in her instantaneous ice princess gone through the door and wonder, “Who was she? Where did she come from?” And imagine a prequel spin-off series, Real Housewives of San Francisco, starring Susan Riddick.
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