A Few of My Movie Lufthansa Moments

So the other day I was listening to Hang Up & Listen, the Slate sports podcast hosted by the inimitable Josh Levin and Stefan Fatsis, and when they went to an ad break I was expecting the same products they usually hawk. Instead I found myself ear to ear with an ad for the largest German airline, Lufthansa. And when the company name was dropped, my mind immediately soared away, not to some jetliner high in the sky over Europe, mind you, but to a bathroom with green tile where Ray Liotta as Henry Hill was going nuts after hearing the radio prounounce that his pal Jimmy Conway had successfully pulled off The Lufthansa Heist. (“It looks like a big one. Maybe the biggest this town has ever seen.”) My mind soared away to Ray Liotta happily hitting his bathroom tile because that’s where my mind goes any time I hear the word “Lufthansa.” If I ever fly Lufthansa, rest assured I will spend the entire flight giddily thinking about Tommy and Carbone and Frenchy and Joe Buddha and Johnny Roastbeef and Stacks Edwards. I can’t help it. This is how my mind works.

And because this is how my mind works with Lufthansa, we can only assume my mind works that way with other products and places and, you know, things, mentioned in a movies in such an indelible manner that any time they are referenced in real life my mind involuntarily flashes back to their cinematic citation, the make-believe and the genuine article forever inextricably linked in my abnormal mind. Things like these...

Cappuccino Maker. We start here because, in a sense, this is where it all started. As a small-town Midwesterner I was first introduced to cappuccino not through cappuccino itself but through the cappuccino maker that George Banks is brought by his future son-in-law. “Makes great foam.” To this day, if I pass by a cappuccino maker at, say, Bed, Bath & Beyond, I see it through the motion picture gauze of Charles Shyer’s 1991 “Father of the Bride”.

Prague. Even if someday I get to Prague, and I would like to get to Prague, I will spend my entire time in Prague, and leading up to Prague, and post-Prague answering questions about Prague, by responding to every utterance of the word “Prague” by snidely declaring, a la Grover, “Well, I haven’t ‘been to Prague’ been to Prague.”

Troy, Michigan. It is not the eleventh largest city in The Great Lakes State; it is home of of the 1970s rock band Stillwater.

Arugula.



Mojitos. As good as Steve Martin’s line reading is above, I confess I love Colin Farrell’s line reading of “I’m a fiend for mojitos” in “Miami Vice” in all its gravelly anti-lyricism even more, so much so that any time — any.time — my girlfriend suggests a round of mojitos I reply, much to her dismay, in a pitiful Farrell impression, “I’m a fiend for mojitos.” I will continue to do this for the rest of my life.

Petty Cash. If someone at your office makes mention of the petty cash and your mind does not immediately drift to Drs. Venkman, Stantz and Spengler eating Chinese food then I’m not entirely sure we can be friends.

Merv Griffin. Merv Griffin? You mean, The Elevator Killer? [See Also: Michael Bolton.]

Raw Sewage. Granted, the words “raw sewage” rarely come up in my life, and I hope it remains that way, but if and when they do, rest assured, from here to eternity, I will look the speaker of said words square in the eye and say “I love it.”

Wollman Rink. President Trump may have his name self-lovingly affixed to the ice skating rink picturesquely plopped down in Central Park, but Wollman will nevertheless always belong to Kate Beckinsale & John Cusack. DO YOU HEAR ME, TRUMP?! IT BELONGS TO THEM!!!!!!