' ' Cinema Romantico: Possible Movies About Movie Weddings That Possibly Could Have Been Real

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Possible Movies About Movie Weddings That Possibly Could Have Been Real

Last week Winona Ryder, promoting her upcoming movie “Destination Wedding” in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, said of her co-star Keanu Reeves, “We actually got married in Dracula. No, I swear to god I think we’re married in real life.” Winona continued: “In that scene, Francis [Ford Coppola] used a real Romanian priest. We shot the master and he did the whole thing. So I think we’re married.” The Interwebs, as it will, figuratively anyway, blew up. What Gen X-er didn’t want to imagine two of our lodestars together forever?

That, however, is not what Cinema Romantico thought about when this (probably not really) news hit. No, what Cinema Romantico thought was: what if there was a movie where Winona and Keanu discovered that the real Romanian priest really had married them, and they had to spend 90 minutes coming to terms with it? I want to see “Destination Wedding” as much as the next Lydia Deetz groupie, granted, but I kind of want to see this movie about an inadvertent Winona/Keanu union more. And that, as it absolutely had to, got me to thinking. It got me to thinking about what other movies could be made based on the idea that weddings in preceding movies turned out to be inadvertently real and caused the actors involved them to have to come to terms.

Before we proceed any further, however, it should be stipulated that the only movie weddings eligible for this list were movie weddings involving actors still with us. So as much as you might want to see a movie about Kate Winslet and Alan Rickman discovering one night before they go on together in a play in the West End that, in fact, their wedding in “Sense and Sensibility” was legitimate, it is ineligible. That also means Cinema Romantico cannot make its ultimate dream come true and have Elizabeth Taylor and Montgomery Clift prove to be married post-“Raintree County.” But I digress. We continue.

5 Possible Movies About Movie Weddings That Possibly Could Have Been Real

Jewel of the Nile. If Kathleen Turner famously took umbrage with the poor quality of the screenplay to “Romancing the Stone’s” 1985 sequel then she gets an opportunity for a real life rewrite of her own upon discovering that the sequel’s fictional African nation of Kadir was, in fact, real and so was her movie ending marriage to the Michael Douglas character. Refusing to believe this is true, she and Douglas embark on an African adventure — “Divorcing the Marriage” — to find the mythical Kadir and debunk the news. Catherine Zeta-Jones plays herself as the wacky third wheel.

Honeymoon in Vegas. At a coffee shop in Burbank, Nicolas Cage runs into James Caan. The latter explains that he pulled a prank on the set of “Honeymoon in Vegas” by employing a real priest for the film’s climactic wedding between the Cage and Sarah Jessica Parker characters. Unbeknownst to anyone, they really are married. Though this eventually trickles down to Parker, Cage refuses to grant a divorce unless Parker agrees to purchase his Canadian Maritime Province mansion he cannot unload for the asking price of 22.7 million. Parker refuses, leading to a standoff, and leading Parker and Matthew Broderick to enlist the aid of celebrity friends, “Ocean’s” style, to infiltrate Cage’s mansion and obtain Cage’s signature on the divorce papers by any means necessary.

The Wedding Date. A cross-cutting thriller in which Amy Adams and Jack Davenport simultaneously discover, continents apart, that their marriage in the 2004 rom com “The Wedding Date” was inadvertently genuine. Upon learning that the unusual circumstances will allow for an official annulment, Davenport races against the clock to track down Adams to keep the union official in a desperate attempt to reinvigorate his career while Adams races against the clock to get the marriage annuled before Davenport can find her.

Romeo + Juliet. TMZ issues a report that on the set of “Romeo + Juliet”, the late Pete Postlethwaite, playing Friar Laurence, pulled a fast one at the behest of TigerBeat and married Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio for real. In the darkness of 2018, where the light of so much hope seems to have gone out, a desperate public swoons over Romeo + Juliet  actually being married in real life. But when the report turns out to be erroneous, Claire and Leo must decide whether to embrace love’s beautiful lie or admit the truth and let down a nation.

Rachel Getting Married. Set over one weekend at a press junket, Rosemarie DeWitt and Tunde Adebimpe discover they really were married in “Rachel Getting Married.” What ensues, set entirely within one room at the Four Seasons, is an improbably comical, psychological deep dive into functional role theory. Lynn Shelton directs.

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