' ' Cinema Romantico: A Word on The Princess Bride Remake That Shouldn't Happen, But If It Did.....

Friday, September 20, 2019

A Word on The Princess Bride Remake That Shouldn't Happen, But If It Did.....

One of this week’s infinite film world brouhahas, which kick up as regularly these days as summer thunderstorms in Colorado Springs, stemmed from Michael Schneider’s Variety profile of Norman Lear, an executive producer on Rob Reiner’s “The Princess Bride”, in which Sony Pictures Entertainment CEO Tony Vinciquerra was quoted as saying “Very famous people whose names I won’t use...want to redo ‘The Princess Bride.’” An offended world rose up in unison to make the same Vizzini joke. What movie from 1987 will the brainiacs who run things want to remake next? “Adventures in Babysitting” – wait, never mind. “Dirty Dancing” – oh, right. Surely not “The Secret of My Success”? Will Carlton Whitfield be a higher-up in the T*ump Organization and Brantley Foster the emergent whistleblower? Sounds topical! In any event, we here at Cinema Romantico are adamantly opposed to a “Princess Bride” just as we would be stridently against, say, a “Spaceballs” remake even if the “Spaceballs” remake was all about launching potshots at the third trilogy. We are against that, right? [Considers.] Yes! Yes, we are!

And yet. If Hollywood does decide to Hollywood and (not) Give The People What They Want by remaking “The Princess Bride”, it will undoubtedly change all manner of details because there is no way they’re turning this project into a Gus Van Sant shot-by-shot homage. And if they do, we’d like to point you to one of our favorite passages from the novel by William Goldman – er, S. Morgenstern – upon which it was based.

“When he was a few paces behind Buttercup, he stopped, head properly bowed. He was ashamed of his attire, worn boots and torn blue jeans (blue jeans were invented considerably before most people suppose), and his hands were tight together in almost a gesture of supplication.”

If you’ve gotta remake “The Princess Bride”* (*do not remake “The Princess Bride”) then please, at least honor the text and put Westley in blue jeans.

What if The Man in Black was The Man in Torn Levi’s?

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