Destination Hallmark Christmas

If you are reading this post then no doubt you too, devoted reader, have noticed Hallmark Channel’s emergent trend this festive 2019 Countdown to Christmas. Here, I’m gonna list a few of their new holiday production titles: “Christmas in Montana.” “Christmas in Rome.” “Christmas at Graceland.” “Christmas at Dollywood.” “A Blue Ridge Mountain Christmas.” It’s almost as if the increasing popularity of Hallmark Holiday movies have caused everyone watching at home to realize the majority of these celebrations of Yuletide and romantic relationship bliss to realize they are essentially seeing the same small town over and over. And while I was going to make a joke about “Christmas in Rome” being filmed in NYC’s Little Italy, it turns out parts of it actually were filmed in Rome! This is a whole new Hallmark! With all that sweet, sweet Countdown to Christmas money rolling in, they’re shooting on location! What locations could they travel to next?!

Christmas in the Keys. Avery (Kimberly Sustad) is a hard-charging event planner who, after a planned event goes awry, is told by her boss to take the holidays off. Visiting her free-spirited sister in the Florida Keys opens her up to the possibility of taking it slow and easy, even if she finds herself coordinating the annual Coconuts For Kids charity bash. Jimmy Buffet appears as himself to sing “Christmas Island.”

Christmas on the Lost Coast. Rylee (Kimberly Sustad), an ambitious hospitality manager, agrees to take a job on what she mistakenly thinks is the “Left Coast.” Turns out it’s the Lost Coast, that underdeveloped, underpopulated stretch of northern California. Oh no! Nestled inside a rustic but crumbling ten room inn in the middle of nowhere, Rylee is visited by three Christmas Ghosts, and learns there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as solitude and a nice, solid lack of ambition.

Christmas in Nuremberg.  Hailey’s (Kimberly Sustad) dream has come true! She’s finally opened a Kuchen Imbiss at Nuremberg’s famed Christkindlesmarkt! Trouble is, the longtime, legendary Kuchen Imbiss of devilishly handsome Hans is right across the way! Will opposites attract, or will they endure a romantic standoff over sweet cakes?

A Canadian Rocky Mountain Christmas. Kaylee (Kimberly Sustad) runs a VIP event management company tasked with helping a city in the Canadian Rockies submit a bid for the Winter Olympics. On the way through a mountain overpass, however, a snowstorm hits and she becomes stranded, leading to rescue from a no-nonsense Canadian Mountie who doesn’t want the Olympics in his neck of the woods. Will opposites attract, or will the heroic Mountie convince Kaylee that the Olympic Movement is best left to autocratic countries who employ cheap labor and displace marginal populations?

A South Pole Christmas. Allie (Kimberly Sustad), a determined climate scientist and lover of all things Christmas, arrives at Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station just a few days before December 25th only to find no Christmas decorations! That’s because the South Pole Station Manager is a holiday hater who suffers from seasonal affective disorder. Will Allie be able to study the melting ice caps AND melt his heart of ice?

Christmas at Frogmore Cottage. Cinema Romantico has been jonesing for The Duchess of Cambridge to play herself in a movie, any movie, for a long time. But now, finally, we have a Royal Hallmark in – the Duchess of Sussex! She’s in the Hallmark Hall of Fame! What’s this one about? Who knows, who cares?! Maybe it could be about Meghan Markle single-handedly, heroically fending off the Kew Garden Krampus-ish demon who punishes misbehaving children, or maybe it could be about Meghan Markle having to give the Royal Christmas Message when the Queen takes ill. Maybe it could just be about Meghan Markle dispensing wise advice in life and love to the hard-charging American event planner (Kimberly Sustad) that Meghan Markle hires to plan festive Christmastime galas at Frogmore Cottage and Buckingham Palace.....ON THE SAME NIGHT. What does it matter?! It’s time for Hallmark to start acting like Hollywood! Green-light now, figure out the story later.