' ' Cinema Romantico: More Paramount Movies as TV Series

Wednesday, March 03, 2021

More Paramount Movies as TV Series

I know, I know, you’ve already got all the streaming channels. You’ve got Netflix and Amazon Prime and Hulu and Disney Plus and HBO Max and Apple TV and Peacock and Omni and Syllabus* and Gardyn Hose Select and Maroon Cartoons TV and The Fallout Channel. Well, now you’ve got to add Paramount Plus, a rebranding of CBS All Access, debuting tomorrow, March 4th, which last week announced it would be creating several original [air quotes] TV series based on preexisting Paramount feature films: “Fatal Attraction”, “Flashdance”, “The Italian Job”, “Love Story”, and “The Parallax View.” 

I mean, my God, man. The line between movies & TV has been blurring for a long time now but this seems to suggest the line is, finally, indistinct. “TV is the one that I watch five hours straight, but a movie is the one that I don’t turn on because it’s two hours,” Amy Poehler explained at The Golden Globes. “I don’t want to be in front of my TV for two hours, I want to be in front of the TV for one hour five times.” Television shows are movies; movies are television shows; dogs and cats living together, mass media hysteria. “You can’t stop what’s coming,” as The Coen Brothers’ “No Country For Old Men” explained, and I guess it’s here.

Speaking of “No Country For Old Men”, that was a joint distribution partnership between Miramax and Paramount. Not sure if Paramount Plus can turn that one into a TV series, but I’m sure they’re working on it. Until then, here are 10 more Paramount Movies as TV Series suggestions to help spur the Apocalypse along...

More Paramount Movies as TV Series

The Firm (1993)

This is a no-brainer.
Summer School (1987)

I’m just giving these away for free.

Rat Race (2001)

I’m magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

What if she had to lose a guy in 10 days...every week???!!!

Book Club (2018)

They could read a new book...every season!!!

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Come to think of it, this might already be a show on The CW.

The Core (2003)

You’re telling me you can’t wrangle a “Storm of the Century”-ish miniseries from a bunch of scientists drilling to the core of the Earth?

The Phantom (1996)

Exploit the one superhero left in your stable, Paramount! Engineer the Billy Zane comeback!

Baywatch (2017)

Oops. Never mind.

The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)

This is basically Kramer pitching Jerry the sitcom idea about managing a circus.

Rhubarb (1951)

Let’s dig deeper in the Paramount crates, shall we, to find this comedy in which the famed marmalade tabby cat named Orangey plays the eponymous Rhubarb, the unlikely feline owner of a baseball team, an idea so frightfully conceivable maybe Paramount can snap to it and inadvertently run Plus off the rails before it truly gets going. (The cat, of course, will have to be CGI.)

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