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Tuesday, November 01, 2022

Possible Sequels to Plane


Last week a trailer dropped for (or: I discovered the existence of) Gerard Butler’s 2023 movie “Plane.” That’s it. That’s the title: “Plane.” It sounds like a working title that the people in charge forgot to expand on when the official title came due and just submitted with a real-life version of the clenched teeth emoji. I assume they only went with “Plane” because “Airplane” was already taken, though I guess technically the title wasn’t “Airplane” but “Airplane!” That evoked the movie’s spoof nature which is, frankly, what “Plane” sounds like it should be, a spoof, though it’s not, it’s clearly not, it’s really, really, truly, honestly not. In my first grade class, your reading level was designated by, as I recall, three different books, Bears, Boats, and Balloons. I don’t remember which one correlated to which level, but whether you were on the top or the bottom, all three titles were acutely first grade. And that’s what “Plane” is – a first grade movie title. And while I should probably leave it there, I couldn’t. Because this title, as it absolutely had to, got me to thinking. It got me to thinking about the potential title for the “Plane” sequel. Why is Cinema Romantico even continuing to crawl along in the dying wilderness of blogs if not for just this very reason?

Possible Sequels to Plane


Jet.
 “That’s not a plane! It’s a jet!”

Blimp. Higher concept.

Spaceship. Probably can’t go to space until the third movie, though.


Boat. Obviously. 

Ship. “A ship can carry a boat,” the saying goes, “but a boat cannot carry a ship.” 

Canoe. Like “Ambulance,” but entirely in a canoe. 

Pontoon. 4th of July turns deadly when various pontoon boats on an overcrowded Lake Havasu go to war.

Yacht. A rich man’s “Pontoon.”

Catamaran. A sporting man’s “Yacht.”


Car. I’m seeing this as a 1986 Isuzu Gemini.

Van. A #vanlife Instagram account opens a portal to hell. For Halloween.  

Minivan. Family-friendly version of “Van.”

Truck. Imagining Gerard Butler of the “Plane” poster but with the pilot uniform swapped out for flannel.


Bus. Store brand “Speed.”

Coach. “Die Hard” on a cross country coach trip. 

Train. The producers will probably suggest we change this one to SUV.

Forklift. Action-packed “Straight Story” sequel.
 
Bike. What if the four dudes from “Breaking Away” reunited for a Nevada getaway and accidentally peddled on to a missile testing site?

Trike. 25 years ago I penned a short film spoof of “Speed” called Pedal in which a bomb was strapped to a tricycle. (This was real. This is not a bit). Let’s have lunch, Gerard. 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I like the Pontoon idea the best!