Who Was the Golden Globes-iest Golden Globes Nominee?

The Golden Globes are back! True, they didn’t really go away last year, even if the fallout from the Los Angeles Times exposing lack of diversity within its governing body the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, not to mention that governing body’s willingness to be feted with prime rib and champagne, so to speak, in exchange for nominations, caused actors to boycott them and NBC to pull the plug on the annual January broadcast. Still, the HFPA announced winners over Twitter in-between, per Cinema Romantico’s faux-sources, gulps from a giant fishbowl cocktail, the whole calamity reducing the Globes to their true essence, that being a desperate cry for attention. Part of me hoped they’d stay that way,  but no, here they are again, diversifying their ranks to some degree and making the all-important cosmetic changes like installing Jerrod Carmichael as host and having Mayan Lopez and Selenis Leyva announce the nominees. (Leyva stepped in for Mayan’s father George Lopez who bowed out after contracting COVID.) I can’t wait until Dave Chappelle and Elon Musk present an award on the actual telecast and the former lectures us to give the new HFPA a chance and Musk stops mid-joke read from a cue card about how badly he is managing to Twitter to explain that, actually, he’s running Twitter quite well, thank you, and you clods just can’t recognize a Genius At Work. 

Of course, forging ahead with the 2023 Globes will cause great consternation for its nominees, no doubt hashing out this very dilemma with their various public relations teams. Brendan Fraser, nominated as Best Dramatic Actor for “The Whale,” has already indicated he will not attend, and as a long-heralded industry mensch, we have no doubt he is sincere in this vow. Others, though, I’m sure are wrestling right now with the notion of how much virtue signaling is too much. We shall see, just as we shall see if the HFPA is more determined to throw shade at Fraser for this snub by giving Austin Butler the award for “Elvis” (if Austin Butler attends) or retain its role as symbolic Oscar weathervane and give it to Fraser anyway. How all this affects the Golden Globes’ long-standing status as Hollywood’s unofficial office holiday party remains to be seen. Office holiday parties are changing the world over given the Pandemic and it only makes sense that Hollywood’s might too. Maybe it’s time. Until such time, though, when the Hollywood glitterati decides once for all to get off the fence, the blog will maintain its bit of determining the Golden Globes-iest Golden Globes nominee. That is to say, not the best nominee (boring), nor the most deserving nominee (lame), but the nominee that most encapsulates the HFPA’s off the record mission statement of starf***ing.

Brad Pitt, there, in the Best Supporting Actor category for “Babylon” comes across pretty Golden Globes-y because the Oscar blogs (I don’t read) suggest his buzz for an Academy Award has been minimal (as far as I know). Ditto Margot Robbie for the same film. Still, that’s a big Christmastime release, an easy cover, and the HFPA works harder than that. Ana de Armas being nominated for “Blonde” is awful Golden Globes-y because without the double barrel Best Actress in a Drama and Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy chicanery it’s doubtful there would have been space for her on the invite list. Speaking of which, there is no way Emma Thompson would have been nominated for “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande” without that convenient second Best Actress category and, hey, Thompson presenting at the 2014 Golden Globes holding a martini in one hand and her high heels in the other is the whole soiree’s vision board. Whether Thompson accepts her award as this year’s Golden Globes-iest, well, TBD. Maybe she and Brendan Fraser can make like Karen and Pam on “The Office” and throw a dueling Hollywood office holiday party down the road at the Beverly Wilshire. I’d livestream that.