' ' Cinema Romantico: Adventures in Movie Promotional Photos, part 112

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Adventures in Movie Promotional Photos, part 112

In discovering yesterday’s image from the (not) “Twister” premiere, I naturally was led to images from the (L.A. Edition) “Twister” premiere (how many premieres did this movie have?), all helpfully catalogued at Go Fug Yourself. I never got past image 13. Cuz, damn. The 90s are back, even if they are not back for people my age, people who lived through the 90s, but while this image is from the 90s, this look is timeless, which is to say immortal, which is to say infinite. In this image, Wesley Snipes is, like space, beyond the observable universe, and so beyond observable fashion, something you, me, we cannot begin to comprehend. And so, I got to thinking.

You might have heard the recent news that Glen Powell is in talks to star in the (semi) long-awaited “Twister” sequel. And I get it. In a mostly movie star-less landscape, Powell is one of the Hollywood young guns who seems like he might have the juice. This blog loves Glen Powell and has said so! But seeing that image of Wesley Snipes at the (L.A. Edition) “Twister” premiere put me in mind of turning the “Twister” sequel into the long-awaited Wesley Snipes comeback. And though the “Twister” sequel is apparently going to be called...can you guess?...can you?...“Twisters,” like, hey man, despite its title, the first “Twister” had multiple twisters, both across the whole movie itself and in one sequence where the sky sprung two tornadoes at once. So, while I understand sequels are all about higher concepts, how exactly is “Twisters” a higher concept? We can do better, so much better, and I’ll tell you how. 

Mike Merriweather (Snipes) is a legendary storm chaser who has seen more tornadoes than anyone. “He’s done everything,” says one grizzled meteorologist, “short of ropin’ a twister.” But when Mike chases a conspicuously erratic tornado one May afternoon in northwest Oklahoma, he suspects it of being...alive? “It’s like that tornado knew me,” growls Mike. Naturally, this gets him laughed out of the storm chasing community, left to watch The Weather Channel in disgrace in fleabag highway motels. Until, that is, a madman scientist (Michael Shannon) is discovered to have implanted the Oklahoma sky with Artificial Intelligence. When an outbreak of robotic tornadoes threatens the entire state, the National Weather Service calls upon Mike once again for the biggest storm chase of his life, one that ends with him, yes, ropin’ a twister. 

Was that so hard?

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