10th Annual Not-at-TIFF Film Festival

Today is the first day of the 49th Toronto International Film Festival, award season’s starter pistol, and blogging tradition dictates that Cinema Romantico counterprograms a film festival to be watched at home. Of course, these faux film fests, as longtime and extremely frustrated readers can attest, are generally just an excuse for me to address trending movie topics. And 2024 was no different. But also, halfway into this year’s Not-at-TIFF slate, I suddenly realized that every movie was from the 90s. At that point, I had two choices: pivot to some other decades or lean into the bit. I leaned into the bit. Here, then, is the 10th annual Not-at-TIFF film festival, All 90s Edition. You’re welcome?

Presumed Innocent (1990). Rather than screen all eight hours of the Hulu series based on Scott Turow’s novel we will instead screen Alan J. Pakula’s adaptation to remind everyone that with a little thing called craft you can tell the same story in just a little over 120 minutes. 

Island of Dr. Moreau (1996). Look, man, I have no idea how difficult Blake Lively was or was not on the set of “It Ends with Us” (if she was that difficult then what does that say about our lord and savior T*ylor S*ift?), but no matter how difficult she was, there is no way on earth she was as difficult as the king up there on this. 

Clean Slate (1994). Jason Reitman’s Saturday Night Live movie will premiere at actual TIFF, but rather than counter program with one of the SNL spinoff movies, a la “The Coneheads,” we will instead screen one of those normal movies made by an ex-SNL cast member that nobody remembers. 

Delirious (1991). Nicolas Cage is set to star in a biopic of Super Bowl-winning coach and game-changing football announcer John Madden. I am confident that Cage will acquit himself well, but honestly, I’m just sad the late John Candy never got a crack at the same role. Can you imagine John Candy with the telestrator?

La Haine (1995). It is strongly recommended, though not required, that all faux attendees binge the new season of “Emily in Paris” prior to screening. Eat your macaron; then drop acid. 

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle (1992). Lots of 1999 was the best movie year ever takes flying around these days (I might have something to say about this at some point), given it’s been 25 years, and while some cinephiles might rebut with 1939, or 1967, or 1975 as the best movie years, hey, here’s a lukewarm counter take: what if 1992 was the best movie year ever? It’s not just “Last of the Mohicans” or “My Cousin Vinny,” the latter starring Marisa Tomei in what I 50% seriously, 50% cheekily consider the greatest movie performance of all time (eh, make that 75% seriously, 25% cheekily), it’s so much more. It’s “Unforgiven” and “One False Move”; it’s “There’s no crying in baseball” and “Wet out there to-night.” 1992 has got the best biopic, and the best Merchant Ivory movie, and the best SNL movie, and the best TNT movie, and, of course, the best First Week of January Movie (see above). These things matter.  

Chain Reaction (1996). Speaking of First Week of January Movies, what about August movies? In his Reveal newsletter, Scott Tobias argued that “Premium Rush” was the most August movie of the 21st Century. And while I do like “Premium Rush” a great deal, especially Michael Shannon as the Marx Brothers movie-ish villain convinced the whole rotten world is out to get him, it’s a little too good to be the most August movie. No, I would submit “Chain Reaction” as the most August in show, a pale semi-imitation of “The Fugitive” but set during a cold Chicago winter which is just what I’m dreaming about come August. 

As always, on the 8th day we rest by kicking back with nothing more than a YouTube video. And when it comes to the 90s, the two most 90s 90s things are the Villanova basketball logo of the era and this video of Natalie Merchant and Michael Stipe singing “Candy Everybody Wants.” 

The Faculty (1998). I won’t graft the last six letters of renaissance onto the end of Josh Hartnett’s name, here, and just observe I’m happy he’s back in the mainstream. I will also observe that the one-time impudent teen of “The Faculty” is now playing a dad taking his daughter to see Taylor Swift Lady Raven in “Trap” and where is that “Saving Private Ryan” meme?

Basic Analysis (1994). “One woman’s triumph over a yeast infection set against the backdrop of the tragic Buffalo Bill season of 1991.” If you know, you know. Shannen Doherty (RIP) was robbed.