' Cinema Romantico: Burn, Sherwood Forest, Burn

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Burn, Sherwood Forest, Burn

The common saying in blogging circles goes, "Don't make Cinema Romantico mad or your movie will have as much box office success as 'Gigli.'" Well, it seems based on the rumors swirling that an upcoming movie I was severely anticipating - Ridley Scott's revisionist take on Robin Hood in which Russell Crowe portrays the Sheriff of Nottingham as a misunderstood good guy with my official cinematic crush Sienna Miller in support as an evil Maid Marian - has decided to drop the sublime Ms. Miller from the production that the producers have just taken a wrong turn and wound up at a costume party where they're dressed like officers on the Titanic and I'm dressed like an iceberg. (Oh, snap!!!)

I know what you're thinking - you're thinking Sienna's own behavior prompted this dismissal. Au contraire. I quote the guardian.co.uk: "Crowe's failure to lose the weight he gained for (Ridley) Scott's 2008 thriller 'Body of Lies' has reportedly forced the departure of Sienna Miller....as the svelte actor's presence might have magnified Crowe's corpulence."

Excuuuuuuse Sienna for being svelte. Pardon her unblemished waifish frame, please, for rendering poor Russell such a quivering round mound of insecurity. I mean, how dare she be so strikingly lithe, right?

Wrong. You picked the wrong actress to mess with. You don't think I know people in the biz? You don't think I have forces in Hollywood ready to amass at a moment's notice? You don't think I can drive the film's box office so far into the ground you'll need whatever that ship-thing was in "The Core" to go find it? You don't think I can ensure you get Jessica Simpson as your Sienna Miller replacement? Memorize this phrase: Straight To Cable. Your little movie is over....sooooooooooo over.

Or, like they said in "Gigli", "Your door's not thick enough to pretend you're not home when you're home."

2 comments:

Wretched Genius said...

I read that it was because of "creative differences" between her and the Crowe/Scott duo. Apparently several members of the crew have also left because of Crowe/Scott.

Nicholas Prigge said...

Either way....I was so excited to see her play this role. While nothing could ever make me not appreciate "The Insider" and his performance, Russell Crowe is now on my s--- list.

Although I'd never say that to his face. Because he'd probably punch me in MY face.