' Cinema Romantico: 5 Directors For Mission: Impossible 5

Thursday, May 09, 2013

5 Directors For Mission: Impossible 5

It was recently announced that Tom Cruise inked a deal to return to his "Mission: Impossible" franchise for a fifth film. Director of "Ghost Protocol", the series' most recent entry, Brad Bird is not slated to return and speculation centers around Christopher McQuarrie as being the man to helm the new one. Until such time, however, Cinema Romantico is here to helpfully offer five names that could lead Cruise's indefatigable IMF agent Ethan Hunt in a new direction.

5 Directors For MI-5


Edgar Wright. Simon Pegg is already part of the team so, hey, why not surround Ethan Hunt with Nick Frost & Lucy Davis and have the IMF commander (Bill Nighy) send Hunt off to London to, unbeknownst to Hunt & team, eliminate a member of the House of Lords solely because he never settled a backgammon bet with Nighy. Chaos ensues when it turns out some guy referred to as “007” (Timothy Dalton) is tasked to defend the same Lord.

Your next IMF Commander?
Christopher Guest. A mockumentary chronicling a week in the life of the IMF where Ethan Hunt and his team – Eugene Levy, Parker Posey, Bob Balaban – struggle to file paperwork in the face of an impending deadline from their blowhard commander (Fred Willard). Meanwhile, a megalomaniacal vending machine magnate (Ed Begley Jr.) takes IMF headquarters hostage in a misbegotten effort to have the IMF employ his services. Hunt hatches a scheme to get to and take out the magnate by crawling through the building’s air duct system until Willard explains the air duct system was removed on account of too many villainous break-ins via air ducts.


David Gordon Green. In an effort to have more strangers on the street quote lines to him from movies he made to feel validated, Green employs Shane Black as screenwriter with one order: “Add as many quips as you can." Black does. The film flops. No one approaches Green on the street to quote lines from it. Disillusioned, Green makes a severely independent film in north Mississippi.

Imagine this is, from left to right, Michael Cera, Tom Cruise & Michelle Monaghan
Joe Dante. After catching “Innerspace” one night on CMT Tom Cruise decides he wants Ethan Hunt to be miniaturized in a submersible pod and, thus, hires “Innerspace” director Joe Dante to helm MI-5. In the film, an IMF experiment involving miniaturization goes awry which causes Ethan's ex-wife (Michelle Monaghan) to accidentally be miniaturized and subsequently injected into the body of an Orange Julius employee (Michael Cera) in a desperate effort to conceal sensitive information which causes villainous Michael Shannon to miniaturize himself to be injected into Michael Cera to retrieve the sensitive information which causes Ethan to miniaturize himself to be injected into Michael Cera to stop villainous Michael Shannon and save his ex-wife.

Your MI-5 villain?
Len Wiseman. Kate Beckinsale is featured as the leather & high-heeled boot clad villain. Which is all that matters.

2 comments:

Candice Frederick said...

hmmm i don't hate the idea of Len Wiseman...

Nick Prigge said...

Oh boy, I don't know. I actually kind of enjoyed "Live Free or Die Hard" but that "Total Recall" remake just did not do anything for me.