' ' Cinema Romantico: Sanctity Is Just An Eight Letter Word

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sanctity Is Just An Eight Letter Word

I don't what to do anymore. I really don't. The cesspool of uncreativity in Hollywood continues to grow more foul with each passing day. Not only was there a "reimagining" of "Chinatown" and not only we will have to endure the remake of "Bonnie and Clyde" with Hilary Duff but now the hills are alive with rumors of a remake of....."The Third Man", one of the ten finest films ever made.

I first caught wind of this in Roger Ebert's Answer Man column. A reader quizzed the esteemed Mr. Ebert about it to which Ebert replied: "My instinctive reaction was to throw up."

The rumors are rather rough but stated intially the remake was to involve Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire with the former as Harry Lime and the latter as Holly Martins.

I like you, Leo. I do. I will defend "Titanic" from the grave. But playing Harry Lime (Orson Welles)? No. Just no. A gigantic, absolute, unequivocal no. Every actor on the face of the earth and scattered about the rest of the known and unknown universe needs to keep his grubby hands off this role. DO YOU HEAR ME???!!! STAY AWAY FROM HARRY LIME!!!! THIS ROLE IS NOT TO BE REDONE!!!! WHAT KIND OF GOD WOULD ALLOW THIS???!!!!

Deep breaths...deep breaths...a rep for DiCaprio, however, is quoted as saying: "He isn't involved with that project." Whew.

But wait, read more carefully. "He isn't involved with that project." That project? So this means there is a project for remaking "The Third Man"?

Who knows? It's all speculation at this point. But if Hilary Duff can star in a remake of "Bonnie and Clyde" anything, however horrifying, is possible.

One thing is starting become all too clear....the remake of "From Here To Eternity" with Jessica Simpson draws ever closer.


Rory Larry said...

I can see it now, Matt Damon as Prewitt, Brad Pitt as Maggio, Are you thinking Jessica Simpson for Karen or Alma? I'm thinking Karen, then we get that scene on the beach, of course she will have to wear a bikini in that scene.

You just have to give up on the fact that Hollywood is going to remake the classics. Where was your anger at the remake of Get Carter (with ol Sly Stallone replacing Michael Caine) or Charade (with Mark Wahlberg!? replacing Cary Grant (yeah that happened).

Nick Prigge said...

I was always thinking Jessica Simpson would be Alma, just because I always like to pretend I'm Prewitt and so nothing could be more horrendous. But I could see her butchering Karen just as easily. Imagining her trying to trade repartee with Burt Lancaster is enough to make you crawl under your desk and never want to come out again.

I know there is no way to stop Hollywood from taking on the classics but sometimes, as Garrison Keillor has said, you just have to look reality straight in the eye and deny it.