' ' Cinema Romantico: Selecting A Republican Caucus Candidate Cinematically

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Selecting A Republican Caucus Candidate Cinematically

Today thousands of my Iowa homeys (Iowa, if you didn't know, is where I'm from) will sally forth to the so-called Caucuses (i.e. An Introvert's Nightmare) in an effort to springboard one of the conservative candidates toward the title of President Barack Obama's opponent in the forthcoming November elections. And as Cinema Romantico does for each and every Caucus we are here to tell you, dear Iowans, for whom to pledge your support based SOLELY on movies. I cannot stress that enough: this article is based SOLELY on the candidates' favorite movies. I am in no way whatsoever endorsing anyone politically. I am endorsing him/her cinematically. That's it. That's all. Nothing more. Is that understood? Are we clear? No one's going to leave a comment at the end if I pick a candidate whose politics they loathe when I just told you this article is based SOLELY on movies, right? You're not? Good. Let's pick the Republican front-runner cinematic style!

In late October the Washington Times asked each candidate (including Herman Cain, who has, of course, since dropped out in the face of incessant question-asking) to identity their favorite movie. These were the answers provided.

Newt Gingrich: "Casablanca."
Michele Bachmann: "Braveheart" or "Saving Private Ryan."
Rick Santorum: "Field of Dreams."
Ron Paul: No answer given. "I don't watch a lot of movies," he was quoted as saying.
Rick Perry: "Immortal Beloved."
Mitt Romney: "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"

Jon Huntsman was not involved in this article and our attempts to learn his favorite film via the interwebs proved fruitless. His Facebook page does not list a favorite film, merely listing his favorite music as "progressive rock." Thereby Cinema Romantico has deduced that Jon Huntsman's favorite film must be "Pink Floyd The Wall" which automatically eliminates him from contention in .0000003 seconds.

Obviously Ronnie P. gets the heave-ho for not only failing to answer the question but for failing to apparently have any interest in the cinema whatsoever. The next time one of those people with a Ron Paul sign approaches me at my "L" stop I'm telling him/her to tell Mr. Paul to take a film class at the local community college and then maybe I'll listen.

Never trust a candidate that says "Casablanca." It's not that "Casablanca" isn't a masterpiece, because, of course, it is. It's that any political candidate (yes, including our current Commander & Chief) who gives it as an answer is obviously attempting to kowtow to every single possible base. Cross Newt off the list. (Though doesn't Newt resemble an even more un-trustworthy Sydney Greenstreet?)

Am I the only one more than a little freaked out that Michele Bachmann is apparently a William Wallace fan? One strike and she's out.

"Field of Dreams" is awesome. My favorite baseball movie. Heck, I just got the DVD for Christmas! But if Santorum ain't just sayin' it's his "favorite" to court the vote, then Shoeless Joe Jackson didn't really bat left-handed. (Memo to Santorum: Kubrick's "Lolita" was set in New Hampshire. You know, just in case you want to switch things up for the primary.)

"O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Mitt, you rapscallion, I love it, love it, love it, except......wait a second......returning to my Cinematic Caucus Post of 4 years ago I see that......hold it......you said then your favorite movie was......"Raiders of the Lost Ark." Flip-flopper! Flip-flopper! Flip-flopper! Flip-flopper! Flip-flopper!

This brings us to Rick Perry, that Texas-styled maniac, and his apparent love of the Gary Oldman-starring Beethoven biopic "Immortal Beloved". That's what I'm talkin' about! What do you think, does Rick fancy himself a latter day Ludwig? The film takes its title from a love letter that Ludwig penned but did not send. To whom was it addressed, that's the question that has plagued scholars for years and that "Immortal Beloved" purports to answer. Of course, in truth the answer is likely unanswerable much like Mr. Perry himself was unable to answer just what federal agency he'd eliminate if elected (zing!!!!!) but what isn't unanswerable is this.....

Rick Perry receives Cinema Romantico's Caucus Endorsement!

(Unless, of course, it turns out Governor Perry was merely selecting something off the beaten path to woo the most critical Caucus endorsement this side of the Iowa Falls Times-Citizen.)


Anonymous said...

Ahahaha, this is a fun post! I didn't know you're from Iowa, hey neighbor :D (I'm not exactly from Minnesota, I've just been living here too long, he..he..)

Well based on his cinematic rating, Ron Paul is definitely out. He can't even remember a SINGLE movie?? That is so weird that Perry answered Immortal Beloved... maybe he just liked Beethoven's music? I see what you mean about Michelle liking William Wallace, though it could be that she has a crush on Mel Gibson. No worries though, sounds like she's done campaigning.

Nick Prigge said...

Oh my God. I never considered Bachmann having a crush on Mel Gibson. The more I think about that the more it makes massive sense.

Derek Armstrong said...

Great idea for a post. I have to say, I often wonder what movies Republicans love, since so many movies are made by and for Democrats. (They may not think they're making movies for Democrats, but by inserting Democratic ideals into their movies, they are unable to help themselves from catering to Democrats. Of which I am one so I think this is a good thing).

In fact, it must be difficult for Republicans to love movies, because so many movies feature a Republican as a villain. Think about how many capitalist fatcats are villains in movies -- and then think of all the characters who may not be actual capitalist fatcats, but function in that role metaphorically.

And then it's funny to see the few movies out there that are actually made by and for Republicans ... you get this weird surreal feeling washing over you, like you walked into the wrong lecture or something. I cite the unfunny and bullying Michael Moore spoof An American Carol as Exhibit A ... and am almost having a hard time thinking of an Exhibit B. That's how rare they are.

In case you haven't noticed, today is "Catch Up on Cinema Romantico Day." Now, go and post ten comments on my blog, please. ;-)