' ' Cinema Romantico: Logging The 84th Academy Awards

Monday, February 27, 2012

Logging The 84th Academy Awards

There has been talk of just how much relevance the almighty Oscars have or have not lost over the years and how much the excruciating foregoneness of this year's race has caused the whole ordeal to seem so meaningless. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't, maybe it's a little of both, I don't know. What I do know is that I gave myself the perfect Oscar Sunday Afternoon present in the form of a second theatrical viewing of "The Descendants" and that my 2:00 showing was packed. Absolutely packed. And I dare say the majority of people there with me had not already seen it once and that scenes just like this were taking place all over the country, and if this was specifically on account of its Oscar nominations - and that's very likely - then Go, Oscars, Go!!! They got people out to see a film I do/will relentlessly champion. Good enough for me.

The crucial part of the traditional Oscar Night Entire Bottle Of Wine will be played this year by a 2009 Bridlewood Pinot Noir, gifted to me by my Dad at Christmas as payment for our bet on who would win last year's Nebraska/Iowa football game. (Speaking of which, Iowa friends, you did remember that Nebraska won 20 -7, right? Just making sure.)

I am currently sipping on my first glass while having a dinner of a Potbelly's sandwich and oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (and I'm sure Miles Raymond would want to hit golf balls at me for pairing a Pinot with a Wreck) while watching Seth Rogen's opening monologue at the Independent Spirit Awards on DVR (which I recorded for a very specific reason to revealed in just a bit). His jokes are mostly amusing and some have honest to goodness bite - "You say a few hateful things, they don't allow you within a hundred feet of the Oscars. You could literally beat the shit out of a nominee, they invite you to perform twice at the Grammys." Think Billy Crystal'll be that edgy? Roll the tape!

7:30 - Billy Crystal. Movie Montage. It's as comforting as going on vacation to some place you've never been and having a Big Mac and fries at McDonald's.

7:33 - Justin Bieber is there for the 18-24 dynamic? Really? 24 year olds like Justin Bieber? I find this information faulty.

7:39 - Brad Pitt forces a smile at Billy Crystal's "Moneyball" joke. Angelina smiles too, but it's not forced. It's real. And it says: "Laaaaaaaaaaaame." I'd like to imagine that if some guy ever gave Angelina a rhetorical "good morning" she'd punch him right in the face.

7:42 - Tom Hanks just paid tribute to seat-filler. I think. Or was that Mickey Rooney? Is Mickey Rooney getting one of those honorary Oscars they give out three months earlier at an event that's not televised forcing the Academy Awards telecast to give them 7 seconds of screen time in a broom closet in the basement?

7:43 - "Hugo" wins Best Cinematography and Best Art Direction. Thus, the classic The-Movie-That-Doesn't-Win-Best-Picture-Gets-All-The-'Little'-Awards faithfully emerges.

7:47 - Was that the Oscar House Band? Is there an Oscar House Band? Is that an actual thing? Could Arcade Fire be the Oscar House Band next year? Please?

Next year's Oscar House Band?
7:54 - J.Lo's area situated directly between her neck and waistline has made its first appearance of the night.

7:55 - Costume Design goes to "The Artist"! Yes! I'm 0-3 (read: 3-0) on my Totally Unreasonable, Completely Legitimate Oscar Predictions!

8:06 - Best Foreign Film. "A Separation." Even The Hollywood Idiot Factor couldn't prevent that one.

8:12 - Best Supporting Actress. And now it's time to go to the DVR which I have cued up for the bestowing of the Best Supporting Female at the Independent Spirit Awards yesterday so that I can watch Shailene Woodley win. (I will regret this if Melissa McCarthy for "Bridesmaids" somehow upsets Octavia Spencer for "The Help." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!) Shailene's not even wearing a dress. Respect. And her speech is quick and gracious with just the right degree of sincere. Good.For.Her.

My favorite 'Oscar' moment.
8:22 - Tina Fey up to present with some dude. Okay, seriously, how long before Tina Fey hosts this whole Academy thing? It's gonna happen, right?

8:25 - First Rooney Mara sighting! Each member of The Rooney Mara Bandwagon in the CVS Parking Lot twelve blocks away just shotgunned an OppigÄrds Amarillo!

8:25 - Watching the two editors flee the stage - "Let's get out of here" - was poetry to an introvert. I hope they just run right past the press waiting to ask questions and straight to the bar for some champagne.

8:26 - "Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" for Best Editing and "Hugo" for Best Sound Editing and Sound Mixing. I have one right so far. One! I'm so proud! Try and do worse than me!

8:35 - Cirque del Soleil? This is so not my glass of sangria. Time to cue up Bruce Springsteen performing "We Take Care Of Our Own" at the Grammys on my DVR. And since we're on the subject, do you what my favorite part of that performance is? That two seconds right at the start when the camera catches Lady Gaga - despite wearing a body-length fishnet - getting her groove on. (Imagine Nick making 'Devil Horns.')

8:41 - Billy Crystal makes an 'old guy' joke at Christopher Plummer's expense. Odds in Vegas have immediately gone off at 9-1 that Plummer shivs him at the Vanity Fair Party.

8:42 - Robert Downey Jr., up to present by pretending to film a documentary called "The Presenter" ("what I'm doing is called bleeding edge"), might have just made Gwyneth Paltrow sort of likable. If so, I think he has more talent than all five Best Actor nominees combined.

8:46 - Chris Rock's hair makes him look kind of handsome. Is that too much? Yes? No? (Insert obligatory Malin Akerman reference here to even things out.)

8:54 - Emma Stone might be a semi-comedic genius. She and Downey Jr. tie for Presenter of the Night.

8:59 - Christopher Plummer. Best Supporting Actor for "Beginners." Rightfully. Respectfully. Great speech. That speech is why I still love the Oscars.

9:15 - "The Artist" for Best Score. I think I got that one right. Didn't I? I have no idea. More wine, did you say? Don't mind if I do. Stay with me, readers.

9:18 - Instead of paying any attention to Best Original Song (read: Worst Category Of The Night) let's all watch this instead. After all, they're going to be the Oscar House Band next year.

9:26 - Seriously? They have to trot Angelina up there in that dress showing that leg that could kill a man to introduce the screenwriting awards? As if writers already don't have anyone paying them any attention. Cut to people across America tomorrow morning. "Wait, they gave out writing awards? I thought those were faked to give the stage to Angelina's leg."

9:28 - "The Descendants." Best Adapted Screenplay. In yo face, hatas.

You probably didn't notice these three win for Best Adapted Screenplay because you were distracted by Ms. Jolie's leg.
9:30 - The Woodman wins Best Original Screenplay for "Midnight in Paris." He's not there, of course, and I'm hoping and praying Angelina then says: "Woody Allen couldn't be here tonight so guess what, old man? I'm givin' this statue to Asghar Farhadi! Viva la 'A Separation!'"

9:42 - "The Shore" wins Best Live Action Short. It's good and all but, seriously, if you have a love of sports and tire of people telling you sports aren't important, check out "Pentecost" if you have a chance. Great piece of work.

9:44 - Jackie Q. ... er, I mean, Rose Byrne just chugged vodka. That is so hot.

9:50 - Best Speech Of The Night: William Joyce & Brandon Oldenburg for "The Fantastic Flying Books Of Mr. Morris Lessmore." for Best Animated Short. "We're just two swamp rats from Louisiana and this is incredibly grand." Fast, uber-passionate, and they both spoke without stepping on each other's toes. Those two made my night.

9:55 - Michel Hazanavicius. Best Director for "The Artist." Wouldn't you like to imagine a Best Director Club in, say, Santa Monica (envision the smoking room on the Titanic) and Kevin Costner comes in and he looks longingly toward the table with Marty and Steven and Clint and they all stretch out so there's no room for Kevin to sit down and so Kevin shrugs sadly and trudges over to the table with Tom Hooper and Michel Hazanavicius.

10:12 - Jonah Hill: "You're fighting with every ounce you have to make sure that you love it forever. And when it doesn't turn out that way, it's painful. And that's why people are weird who make movies. It's because they care more about their film than themselves."

10:13 - Nina Sayers in the hiz-house!!!

10:18 - Jean Dujardin. Best Actor for "The Artist." Didn't you worry there for a second he was about to go Benigni all over everybody's asses? Don't lie.

10:26 - Cinema Romantico's Best Dress Of The Night Goes To Rooney Mara. Why? Because. That's why. ..... Oh, right. What's her name.....uh, Meryl-something. She won Best Actress. But it totally wasn't a 'Lifetime Achievement Award' in the guise of Best Actress. Okay? So stop telling people that is. Because it isn't.

Cinema Romantico's Best Dress Of The Night goes to Rooney Mara because this blog doesn't hide its biases.
10:35 - Best Picture goes to "The Artist." Did you notice the way Harvey Weinstein and his cocksure grin high-fived the film's producer? As if to say, "don't forget, you owe me."

10:36 - And so next year's Oscar race begins. (The aforementioned Mr. Weinstein will be skipping sleep to go straight from Elton John's party to pre-production on Meryl Streep's Mamie Eisenhower biopic which he hopes to have ready for release by Christmas.) Early Prediction: Liam Neeson is wrongly nominated in the Supporting category for "Battleship" even though everyone knows he totally carried that movie.


Anonymous said...

Awsome write-up. I must say though that I had a different impression from Angelina. My only thought was: "oh dear, she looks as a severe case of eating disorder. How sad. She clearly needs help. I hope she gets it."

Nick Prigge said...

You know, I had that thought during the Golden Globes. Her arms looked SO skinny. And if the camera supposedly adds pounds....

Last night that stance she struck totally distracted me from her arms. Couldn't help it.

Sam Fragoso said...

They gave screenwriting awards?

Nick Prigge said...

Theoretically. It's entirely possible Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash's Oscars were all appropriated backstage by the Academy. "Sorry, but we just pretend to give these out each year to keep the WGA off our back. We thought you knew."

Castor said...

Ahaha Angelina struck that stance at every occasion. Not a bad ceremony I thought... except for Justin Bieber.

Andrew K. said...

Aw shucks, wish I knew you were live blogging this. I'd have killed your blog with comments.

You may or may not have heard, but there's now a tumblr dedicated to Angelina's leg posing thingie. http://angelinajolieing.tumblr.com/

And, it's making me think of that post you did on Scarlett's pose. Should those two not star in some movie together and strike their respective poses?

(Also, that Costner story kills me. And I like, Tom Hooper, and I'm still dying with laughter....although, Marty is so damn affable he wouldn't do that. I love how happy he always seems at these things.)

Nick Prigge said...

Castor: Yeah, I enjoyed it for the most part, despite the predictable nature. And Justin Bieber.

Andrew: I didn't actually live blog it. I'm old school. I jot down notes and then put the post together. I just find I can actually concentrate on and appreciate the telecast much more when I do it that way.

Personally, I would like to see Scarlett's Pose versus Angelina's Badass Smile. I mean, my God. MY GOD. The room would just catch on fire.

The Kid In The Front Row said...

Nice work!