' ' Cinema Romantico: Official Cinematic Crush Update: Pitch Meeting

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Official Cinematic Crush Update: Pitch Meeting

When it was announced that DC Comics planned to put into production "Watchmen" sequels, which would likely include Silk Spectre who was played in the film by my official Cinematic Crush Malin Akerman, this, as it must, got me to thinking about how nearly everyone I've encountered since her ascension to the throne has criticized her actress-ing skills by listing two films and two films only: "Watchmen" and "The Proposal". This, of course, is like judging a quarterback's skill set completely on two games that were both played in incessant sleet. Ease off my lady.

Malin owns some comedic chops, as evidenced by her extravagantly dry wit on the Rob Cordry show "Children's Hospital" and her insane shenanigans in "The Heartbreak Kid", a fairly awful film of which she was the only redeemable part. Her range may not be Winslet-esque but she can do some things.

That said, the Akerman-bashers still have a point. Her choice in roles hasn't been, shall we say, robust. But she needs something more than just being the no-dimensional girl waiting around for that idiot Ryan Reynolds to make up his mind. Thus, I turned to the infamous Hollywood Black List version 2011, the list naming the most liked unproduced screenplays of the year and found one to my liking.

"Two Night Stand', written by Mark Hammer, is described thusly: "After an extremely regrettable one night stand, two strangers wake up to find themselves snowed in after sleeping through a blizzard that put all of Manhattan on ice. They’re now trapped together in a tiny apartment, forced to get to know each other way more than any one night stand should."

Yeah, yeah, I sense the eye rolls out there. But I tend to side with Richard Lawson of The Atlantic Wire who named it one of the best of 2011 Black List, writing: "Sure the title might be a little hokey, and the concept a little twee, but cast correctly it could be a more lighthearted 'Weekend', kind of a bottle episode on the big screen." Exactly. A little craft, a little acting and you can this thing soar like a bald eagle on an LCD TV indoors.

So here's my proposal: I'll purchase this script with the money I don't have to put into production through the studio I don't own. We'll get Mike Cahill to direct. No, no, no, no, no, not that Mike Cahill, the "Another Earth" Mike Cahill. He's a fine Mike Cahill, certainly, but I'm talking about the severely underrated "King of California" Mike Cahill. That's my dude. With that brilliant little film he walked the tightrope of quirky and sweet without wobbling and offered a restrained visual prowess, one that would be perfect for a big screen bottle episode. He could keep things interesting but wouldn't go off the rails trying to ensure its limited situation was all CINEMATIC!!!

Imagine, ladies, that you just had a one night stand with this guy.
We'll get James Franco to star as the guy because I like the James Franco Confused Face and that could be utilized to great effect here and because he can ably manage genuine and dickish at the same time.

And, of course, we'll get Malin for the girl.

Granted, I haven't read this screenplay. The Black List can be hit or miss. Sometimes you get Diablo Cody's "Juno", sometimes you get Liz Meriwether's F***Buddies (i.e. "No Strings Attached").

But let's take a risk, what do say? After all, it's my fake money, not yours.


Anonymous said...

I quite like Malin in Watchmen, and I do think she's got the chops to do more than the kind of roles she's been given. I can see her do comedies, she has that likability factor that some drop-dead-gorgeous actresses don't have.

"Two Night Stand' doesn't appeal to me in the slightest however.

Nick Prigge said...

No! Trust me! I can make "Two Night Stand" work! Once you see the trailer you will realize it's not the same old-same old.

I just need to get everyone I mentioned to return my calls. That could prove problematic.

Anonymous said...

Most of my friends dislike Malin Akerman, and it's for the same reason you listed--they've seen only a couple of her side performances. She was also in that weird island getaway movie with Vince Vaughn, and I thought she was perfectly hilarious in 27 Dresses. I look forward to seeing her in Rock of Ages. Oh wait, I look forward to Rock of Ages no matter what, but especially because Tom Cruise is playing a rock star and I think I'll be laughing my head off.

Two Night Stand is an awful title for a film, but the concept sounds interesting enough. I have a lot of love for James Franco, although he's certainly done some weird films.

Nick Prigge said...

I admit I kind of want to see Rock of Ages too, though I think that's just because I'm a kid of the 80's. That's the music I grew up to!

And don't worry about the title. We'll change the title. I'm not sure what to yet because I need to read the script and get a feel for it but we'll find something that really POPS!!!