' ' Cinema Romantico: James Cameron Lays Down The Smack

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

James Cameron Lays Down The Smack

As a noted "Titanic" acolyte, I have over the years had to endure any number of haters, of course, and the one argument to which the haters return most prominently concerns the moment post-sinking when Rose is marooned on the all-important board, the board upon which Jack finds no room which leaves him in the freezing north Atlantic water which leads to......well, you know. "There was room for both of them!" the haters shout. "Why didn't she move over?" they demand. So on, so forth. (Apparently there was some sort of video that went viral regarding this in the wake of the 3D re-release but I've been hearing this crap ever since January of 1998.)

Never mind that these people are simply replicas of that ass clown Neil deGrasse Tyson, cyborgs who fail to experience the overwhelming emotional resonance of this moment because they are too busy bitching about science. Why people like this even watch movies is beyond me. To paraphrase Billy Crudup on Broadway last year in "Arcadia": there was room on the board, there wasn't room on the board, WHO GIVES A SHIT???!!! Can't you let yourself FEEL anything?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

(Calming down.)

James Cameron, perfectionist, has, however, come to the rescue. He says (underlines mine): "Actually, it's not a question of room, it's a question of buoyancy. When Jack puts Rose on the raft, then he tries to get on the raft. He's not an idiot, he doesn't want to die. And the raft sinks and kind of flips. So it's clear that there's only enough buoyancy available for one person. So he makes a decision to let her be that person instead of taking them both down."

Cameron, in fact, has gone so far as to film an upcoming episode of "MythBusters" to prove his point. Not, I'm sure, that this will quell the automaton haters. God, am I glad Mr. Wizard didn't get into filmmaking. Those movies would have sucked.


Daryl said...

So, pointing out a piece of horrible screenwriting in a movie you like is nitpicking, but when you tear apart "That Thing You Do!" that's perfectly acceptable? Hypocrite, thy name is Nick from Cinema Romantico.

Wretched Genius said...

Neil deGrasse Tyson is a saint!

Gavin Bollard said...

I can't believe that anyone didn't understand the buoyancy concept. Sad.

...and personally, I think Titanic and Avatar are both great.

Nick Prigge said...

Daryl: Even if you think this is horrible screenwriting - and it isn't, but we'll pretend for argument's sake that it is - the particular detail you find horrible about it has been debunked! Stop clinging to the conspiracy!

You, sir, are a Jack & Rose Raft Truther. I will not abide.

Brad: I have no qualms with Mr. Tyson whatsoever....until he starts sticking his schnoz into movies.

Gavin: Exactly! The board FLIPS OVER! Ah, it's useless. I liked Avatar, too, though not anywhere near as much as Titanic. Titanic is just more my style.

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha... I LOVE your vigor in this sentiment, Nick, and still you are ever so eloquent! It's sooo clear in the movie that the raft can't handle TWO people, sheesh!! Did they need to have Cameron explain that?? What I was thinking though, was that there surely were other debris he could climb on to, but it was only a fleeting second as soon I was absorbed by these two doomed lovers freezing their behind off whilst professing their love for each other. So yeah, needless to say I was a basket case watching this movie. As cheesy as this movie might have been, it certainly appeals to the hopeless romantic in me.

Nick Prigge said...

I'm a hopeless romantic too, Ruth. Which is just one of the many, many reasons why I adore Titanic.

Andrew K. said...

Oh, Nick. Do I even need to say where I stand on this?

*standing ovation*

Nick Prigge said...


And as always, thank you for your support on this one, sir.