' ' Cinema Romantico: 10 New Career Moves For James Franco

Thursday, September 12, 2013

10 New Career Moves For James Franco

You may have heard that James Franco, new-fangled Renaissance Man, painted a mural awhile back in the hipster New York hive of Williamsburg. This, of course, is merely the tip of the vegan meatloaf when it comes to the all-around artisan that is James Franco. Actor. Acting Coach. Director. Author. Drag Queen. Artist.

This, as it must, got me to thinking: what other avenues could Hollywood's requisite cavalier pursue.

Note: This list does not include Becoming A Trappist Monk or Joining Greenpeace because, come on, those are just too obvious.

10 New Career Moves For James Franco

1. Films a documentary in which he waits in line at the post office. Titles it……”James Franco Waits In Line At The Post Office.”

2. Becomes the official "personal incense burner" for Dogstar.

3. Fashions an alter-ego named Ricky Lefevre, leader of a Lower East Side singing street gang called The Coral Catsharks.

4. Writes, directs and stars in a film along with Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson and Jonah Hill chronicling a cattle drive from Montana to Texas. In an inspired bit of Herzoginess he decides to lead an ACTUAL cattle drive with Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson and Jonah Hill from Montana to Texas and film it.

5. Opens an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in which he drinks gas station coffee. Titles it……”James Franco Drinking Gas Station Coffee.”

6. Apprentices to Daft Punk.

7. Creates a line of "Franco Print" shirts, button-ups adorned with patterns of festive James Franco images. (He uses the proceeds of this venture along with a Kickstarter campaign to fund his remake of "Captain Ron.")

8. Becomes spokesman for Bartles & Jaymes and films ads with him in the role of Ed Jaymes & Seth Rogen in the role of Frank Bartles.

9. Legally changes his name to Bob Marley’s “Jamming.” The WHOLE song. “Yes, I had a reservation for Jamming, I want to jam it with you. We’re jamming, jamming, and I hope you like jamming too. Ain’t no rules, ain’t no vow, we can do it anyhow…” etc.

10. Calls a press conference and officially establishes himself as "America's Concierge."

No comments: