' ' Cinema Romantico: The $290 Million Question

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

The $290 Million Question

Over the weekend the trailer for the loquaciously titled “Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One”, the 2023 sequel to the twin peaks of twenty-tens pop moviemaking (“Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation” and “Mission: Impossible – Fallout”), was leaked to Twitter, resulting in nothing less than social media rapture. Depending on the source, this trailer would make you believe in God, was better than sex, or deserved the Palme d’Or. I missed the leak, alas, but saw the preview on Monday after its official release and yeah, it’s good. I recommend having smelling salts on hand for the Christopher McQuarrie M:I devotee in your life. The trailer, it’s gut-busting globe-trotting rapid-fire spectacle where Rebecca Ferguson wears an eyepatch and wields a freaking sword, McQuarrie appears to dial up a variation of Buster Keaton’s biggest trick play, Shea Whigham (!) shows up for half a second, and Tom Cruise runs, cocks his head like he’s getting off the ring stool before the 7th round when he has decided it’s time to finally just go ahead and knock the other guy out, and hurtles off the edge of the earth into the abyss aboard a motorcycle as if it’s the end of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” [Sucks down a whole bottle of water.] 

However. The question before us today is not whether the “Dead Reckoning” trailer has opened your eyes to God, is better than sex, or worthy of a Palme d’Or. No, the question, as it is with any superb trailer, is this: is it better than “The Bling Ring” teaser? You know, the one in which Sofia, her majesty, virtually invented TikTok by remixing her own movie into a minute-long series of impeccable memes that concluded with its own version of a motorcycle descending into the mist with a convertible burning rubber into the heart of Californication.

Answer: No. No, it is not better than “The Bling Ring” teaser. Next.

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