' ' Cinema Romantico: Official Cinematic Crush Update

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Official Cinematic Crush Update

The beguiling Malin Akerman is set to star in a film I didn't know existed until, in a fit of great happenstance, I happened upon the trailer. "Catch .44", in which my official Cinematic Crush stars opposite Bruce Willis and Forest Whitaker, amongst others, appears to be nothing much more than Guy Ritchie As Re-told On The Bayou wherein she and a few fellow bad to the bone mamba jambas attempt to intercept a drug shipment for Bruce Willis. Or something. (For the record, it also stars someone named Reila Aphrodite which might be the best actress name I've encountered since the legendary Moon Bloodgood.) The film was written and directed by Aaron Harvey whose only previous writing and directing credit was "The Evil Woods" back in 2007, a movie with which I'm unfamiliar but sports a poster showing a guy holding an axe whose faced is obscured by a giant parka hood which clearly means it could have only been good.

If this all wasn't distressing enough, my sources (by which I mean ComingSoon.net) inform me "Catch .44" is set for an (exceptionally) limited theater release this Friday, December 9, in New York City and.....wait for it.....Charlotte, North Carolina.

Charlotte, North Carolina?

Really? Is Charlotte the L.A. of the Mid-Atlantic? They couldn't have stuffed "Catch .44" into one of the crappier Chicago theaters for a week? I would've bought a ticket! Honest! (Maybe. Probably not.) But not to worry, fellow Malin fans, because the film will be released on DVD and Blu-Ray way out there in the future on.....December 20th. In less than 2 weeks. Another good sign. Which means in less than 2 weeks I'll be suffering through it and will subsequently file an "anticipated" report.

(Watch the trailer here at your peril. It's actually not as bad as I'm making it sound. It just looks very.....basic and blah.)


Univarn said...

Even though there's a long standing sibling rivalry between the Raleigh/Durham area and the Charlotte area of NC, it's a sibling rivalry of the sort that only we can undercut one another, not outsiders. Especially not *cough* northerners :P

Besides even if this film looks just south of awful (judging by the lovely movie poster where Bruce Willis is scared of something to the right while Whitaker is intrigued by it and Akerman is trying to peer through Willis' skull to see it) we seldom get any limited release movies in this state so any recognition may be better than none :P

Nick Prigge said...

Interesting. I had no idea there was a rivalry between Raleigh/Durham and Charlotte. Sadly, most of my knowledge on these matters comes via college sports and so I idiotically assume Chapel Hill hates Durham and vice versa and everyone else must get along.

But you should totally take advantage of this limited release. I'm sure it would be worth matinee price. Very, very early matinee price. Possibly.

Anonymous said...

I like Malin Akerman, did you get a crush on her because of Watchmen? ;)

Not sure about this movie though, I mean it'll probably be as awful as the poster.

Nick Prigge said...

I got a crush on her because of "The Romantics" which is only a so-so movie, but Malin....

And yeah, that poster. Ugh. Univarn gives a great breakdown of it.